Dead Rabbit Publishing

Al-Qaida Mocks Obama, Joins the Club

2010-06-20T17:15:00.003-04:00

Al-Qaida's U.S.-born spokesman warned President Barack Obama Sunday that they may launch new attacks. Adam Gadahn told President Obama peace would be extended if the US withdrew support for Israel, as well as all troops from Afghanistan. At that moment, the entire free world laughed mockingly and in unison. Not to be outdone, Gadhan mocked Obama and the Democrats loss of liberal lothario Ted Kennedy’s former Senate seat in Massachusetts. Guess DirecTV can put dish on a cave now. Gadhan went further, calling Obama a “divisive, evasive and serpentine American president with a Muslin name.” It was later determined that Gadham based this conclusion on a YouTube video of Obama doing ‘The Worm’ at a Chicago nightclub in 1994, and the subsequent announcement of Obama as the dance contest winner.

See the AP story here, guy is bananas , ‘B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-S’: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100620/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_al_qaida_spokesman

Cop Punches Girl…Seriously, It Happened

2010-06-16T13:56:00.002-04:00

In a story that pretty much writes itself, a Seattle police officer was justified in punching a teenage girl after she shoved him during a jaywalking dispute, this according to the city’s Police Guild. And yes, a jaywalking dispute. Seeing as the police officer is a white guy with a crew-cut and the two women involved were black teenagers, I’m guessing Seattle is going to be on fire shortly. Literally. So what could be better? Well, would you like to see it on video? Because you can: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_police_punch

Argentina Goes Balls To Ass

2010-06-10T19:21:00.004-04:00

The World Cup begins Friday, at which time all Americans will pretend to enjoy soccer while really waiting on NFL training camp. The Americans will face the English in their first game Saturday, at which time all of South America, Africa (non-South), Asia, and possibly Australia, cause they really hate the English, will hate both teams. Along with ‘whitey’. ‘Whitey’ could not be reached for comment. All racism and ‘futbol’ talk aside, here’s video of Maradona letting his Argentinean team kick balls at each other’s asses after practice today. But not in a gay way. I don’t think, it is Argentina though, so who knows. See it here people: http://tinyurl.com/2fwmpzz

Potential Corn-Gopher Match-up Impossible to Resist

2010-06-10T13:57:00.002-04:00

The University of Nebraska has reportedly accepted an offer to join the Big 10 conference, this according to orangebloods.com. Nebraska would be the 12th member of the Big 10. And yes, its completely nonsensical given the academic record of all the schools involved to have an 11-team Big 10. Or is it avant garde? Who knows, but this move has reportedly forced the Pac 10 to respond by offering membership to six current Big 12 schools, expanding their membership to 16. And as an SEC fan, I just think its all completely awesome. A futile attempt to break the SEC’s stranglehold on college football, but awesome nonetheless. And in the spirit of these changes, I will be leaving the Wilham family and accepting an offer to join the Kardashians. More after the jump.

Also according to orangebloods.com (a site presumably dedicated to a rare blood disorder), the Pac 10 extended informal offers Wednesday to Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Okalahoma, Oklahoma St., and Colorado. With Missouri also still a candidate for further Big 10 expansion, these moves would effectively end the Big 12 conference, and provide the Pac 10 with a windfall of athletic talent and financial reward. Reports now indicate that Colorado has become the first school to join the Pac 10.

Most analysts agree this move would result in further Big 10 expansion, as well as the SEC, most likely with both adding 4 additional teams to get to 16.

The most likely candidates for the Big 10 reportedly include Missouri, Notre Dame, Maryland, and Rutgers, with Pittsburgh as next in line should Notre Dame elect to remain independent.

SEC candidates are more open, with the most likely being Clemson, Florida St., Miami, and Georgia Tech. Other candidates could include North Carolina, NC St., Duke, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Louisville, and West Virginia. Possible scenarios have also been reported in which the SEC would jettison Arkansas in favor of adding five new teams.

While this is mostly speculation at this point, change certainly seems inevitable. And if you are Kansas, or any team in the Big East, its going to be a stressful week ahead.

See a good breakdown in grid format of possible changes here: http://collegesportsinfo.com/conference-realignment-grid/

George Strait Gets On Top Of Garth Brooks, Strait To Change Surname

2010-06-08T18:52:00.002-04:00

According to Billboard, the once important company that charted record sales before we all just started stealing music, George Strait is the top country artist of the past 25 years; even though Garth Brooks sold more albums, and is in fact the best-selling artist in SoundScan history (which also meant something before iTunes and LimeWire). But according to Billboard, Strait has charted 44 COUNTRY music #1’s (capitals for emphasis because he has 0 pop and/or rock #1’s, presumably Brooks has at least 1-2, but my research assistant quit and I can’t seem to figure out Wikpedia). Strait has also had top 10 Billboard COUNTRY singles every year for 30 years, which is actually really impressive. Capitals added at the request of Garth Brooks, who also requested I drop the ‘O’ from COUNTRY when describing George Strait. No dice #2, call me when you’re a real country artist!

Read it here kids: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/ourcountry/40462/guess-whos-the-top-country-artist-of-the-past-25-years/

Rue McClanahan Dating Both Saints Peter and Nicholas

2010-06-06T02:10:00.003-04:00

Rue McClanahan, the world's most popular slut, passed away Thursday at the age of 76. Early reports suggest McClanahan passed away from a stroke. Within the past year she had undergone heart bypass surgery, and had survived breast cancer some 15 years earlier. McClanahan, born in Healdton, Oklahoma, was best known as Blanche Devereaux from the sitcom 'Golden Girls'. McClanahan played a sexually promiscuous older woman, and Sofia Loren and Raquel Welch have credited her with the revival of their careers. All three women ranked in the top 10 of “most attractive older women” in SpankTank.com’s 2002 online pole. And yes, “pole” should probably be in quotations. And no, you should not immediately go to SpankTank.com.

“Golden Girls”, was not McClanahan's first role, coming after “Mama's Family” and “Maude”, (the latter with “Golden Girls” costar Bea Arthur). McClanahan began her career in off-Broadway and regional plays. Later she made an appearance in the TV movie “Sordid Lives”, in which she had a graphic sex scene. According to Wikipedia, it was the first and last instance of anal sex in all of network television. During her career McClanahan won an Emmy, an Obie, and contracted two as yet unnamed VD's. Her real life was in fact not far from her role in “Golden Girls”. She was married six times. McClanahan’s passing leaves Betty White as the only living cast member of “Golden Girls”. White has recently seen a career resurgence, due in large part to her recent “Saturday Night Live” hosting, as well as her role as Samantha’s saucy Dominican lover in “Sex and the City 2”.

In related news, TMZ has reportedly bought the rights to a Rue McClanahan sex tape, hoping to sell the posthumous tape and tap into lightly targeted pornography markets such as nursing homes and assisted living housing, as well as Euro-league soccer clubs and Andy Dick.

Check out MSN for a more respectful and polite rundown of her career, in which she is not called a slut (love you Rue, you will be missed, we all hope and pray you’re laughing your sweet ass off at this post): http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=503628>1=28102

Super-Hot Christina Hendricks Not Hot Enough for Esquire

2010-06-03T21:06:00.003-04:00

In last month's issue of Esquire, the Maxim for guys who consider themselves too classy for Maxim, Christina Hendricks was named the 'Best Looking Woman In America'. Hendricks plays the voluptuous Joan Holloway on AMC's 'Mad Men'. But according to Canada's National Post, Hendricks was the magazines second choice, behind Scarlett Johansson. Coming in third was Megan Fox, followed closely by Lane Kiffin. According to the National Post, Johansson backed out of the shoot, leaving Hendricks to take her spot. Johansson's husband Ryan Reynolds could not be reached for comment. However, Hendrick's husband, the snozzberries guy from 'Super Troopers' was reached by DRP; he stated, "No, not even I can believe I'm married to such a hot woman, when my face clearly resemble a badger's asshole. Here's a pic." We thank Mr. Badgers-Asshole for his help.

Objectify some women here:http://www.showbizspy.com/article/205787/christina-hendricks-was-esquire-editors-second-choice-for-sexiest-woman-issue-report.html

Time for Robe! No…okay, maybe Kondo? Fine, Lakers vs. Celtics

2010-06-03T16:33:00.002-04:00

Ah, yes, it's that time again...the NBA finals. This time last season we saw Kobe and the Lakers cut down the nets for their 15th NBA championship, and this year we find the Lakers in the finals for the third straight year. And they will face off against the Boston Celtics. The Celtics return to the finals after a year’s absence, and are finally healthy and poised to make a run at their second title in three years. The Celtics defeated the Lakers in the 2008 NBA finals, a series in which the Lakers were heavily favored, but in which they were out manned, out hustled, and outclassed over 6 games, including a 39 point blowout to close the series and secure the Celtics 17th NBA title. Oh, and get ready for ridiculous nickname overload (its a Black Mamba and a Ron-Ron vs. both a Big Ticket AND a Big Baby!).

Surprisingly enough, these teams look eerily similar to the same squads that took the court two years ago. The Lakers, a deeper and younger team, boast the league’s biggest front-court, one of the most productive benches, and arguably the games most dominate player. The Celtics, who were ousted by the Orlando Magic during the 2009 playoffs, could be seen as somewhat of a surprise after the way they closed out this season. But finally healthy, and playing their best basketball since the first month of the season, the Celtics dismantled and beat down the two Eastern Conference favorites, the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Magic, to get back to the finals.

The 18th and 16th NBA championships are not the only thing on the line, as the Lakers and Celtics represent the most exciting rivalry in the NBA, if not all of professional sports. This will be the 12th times these two teams will meet in the finals, dating back to 1959, with the Celtics winning 9 of those meetings. The Celtics also hold the regular season series, 152-120.

Check out ESPN (http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/finals/2010/) for all things 2010 NBA finals.

How BALCO Could Have Prevented Umpire's Blown Call

2010-06-03T12:50:00.003-04:00

Detroit Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga lost a perfect game with two out in the 9th inning Wednesday, after umpire Jim Joyce mistakenly called a Cleveland Indians’ player safe at first base. Replays, and later Joyce’s own admission, clearly showed the player to be out, which would have resulted in the fourth no-hitter of the season, and third perfect game. While most people are focusing on the blown call, I want to go a different route: can anyone still argue that the records set during the steroids era should not be thrown out? I mean, we go from 40-year old Barry Bonds hitting 1,000 homeruns to major leaguers not being able to hit singles. Seriously people, we’re just over ¼ through this season and Galarraga technically threw the 4th no-hitter. When Bonds broke the homerun record, there were two no-no’s the whole season. Get out the erasers Bud Selig!

Rant over. Check out a great story about Jim Joyce and his graceful admission of blowing the call here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/06/03/1660927/perfect-acceptance-of-an-imperfect.html

Gore Divorces Wife, Reportedly Dating Glacier

2010-06-01T18:43:00.002-04:00

Al and Tipper Gore announced their divorce today, after 40 years of marriage. Gore was defeated in the 2000 presidential election, after 8 years as vice-president under Bill Clinton, who admitted to having an extra-marital affair with an intern. Fox News has suggested Tipper asked for a divorce after catching Gore in bed with a penguin. The penguin could not be reached for comment. While "science" has long claimed penguins are physically unable to comment, Fox News' Glenn Beck is now reporting all penguins are "commie liberals who hate America". Beck later cried on air for no apparent reason, all while rocking back in forth in a fetal position and muttering unintelligible comments about the movie 'Happy Feet'. See the story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100601/ap_on_re_us/us_gore_separation

The Soldiers Would Want You to be Drunk: Celebrating Memorial Day

2010-05-31T10:46:00.002-04:00

For many, the Memorial Day holiday is a time to celebrate the men and women of our armed forces, and to appreciate and remember their sacrifices. And for many, it marks the beginning of summer, and therefore a great excuse to surround oneself with grilled meats and lie drunkenly baking in the sun. In order to reach out to both sides, Yahoo! has posted some interesting, and some funny, facts about Memorial Day. For example, the holiday was originally called 'Decoration Day', but was changed when a drunken President Grant spent the day decorating the White House lawn with pink flamingos. This and other completely true things here: http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93711?fp=1

“Avatar” Breaks Records, Probably Makes Cameron Even Bigger A-Hole

2010-01-28T14:22:00.002-05:00

James Cameron’s “Avatar” surpassed his previous film “Titanic” this weekend to become the highest-grossing domestic movie of all-time. Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” is third and, somewhat surprisingly, the Patrick Swayze vehicle “Roadhouse” is fourth. Don’t look that up. Some experts point out that ever-increasing ticket prices attributed to the meteoric profits of “Avatar”, while others have suggested that people just love Sigourney Weaver in 3-D. “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” is the highest-grossing worldwide movie, a record which “Avatar” is expected to pass as well. “Roadhouse” is presumably second on that list. Critics and fans have heaped praise on “Avatar”, which has led to my decision to intentionally never see it, as I have never seen “Titanic”, because I don’t believe any of you. And the thought of seeing Sigourney Weaver in 3-D terrifies me, unless it is circa-1976 Sigourney hiding from the alien in nothing but a tiny t-shirt and panties. I’ll be watching “Inglorious Basterds” for the fifth time if anyone needs me.

See the story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/movies/awardsseason/27record.html?th&emc=th

Warning Teens of Sex Leads to Lots of Teen Sex

2010-01-27T11:39:00.002-05:00

The Guttmacher Institute, a nonpartisan nonprofit research group, is reporting that teenage pregnancy rates rose by 3% in the US between 2005 and 2006. They group also predicts rates again rose between 2006 and 2007, based on preliminary numbers gathered while watching MTV’s “Teenage and Pregnant”. Many experts attribute the increase to teaching abstinence-only sex education in public schools, a policy initially adopted by President Clinton and expanded under Bush. Experts also point out the irony of teaching abstinence-only to kids who fuck in the school parking lot before, during, and after class. Proponents of abstinence-only education attribute the rise to an “overly sex-saturated culture” and the increasing acceptance of teenage pregnancy. In order to showcase this view, the National Abstinence Education Association has reportedly booked Bristol Palin and Jamie Lynn Spears to appear at a rally later this week. In related news, abortion rates, a factor in pregnancy rates, also rose during the same time period, due in large part to teenagers not wanting to be anything like Bristol Palin or Jamie Lynn Spears.

See the NYTimes.com story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/us/27teen.html?th&emc=th

Global Warming Debunked, Al Gore Claims He Meant Another Globe

2009-12-03T00:48:00.002-05:00

Computer hackers have released emails obtained from Britian’s University of East Anglia that indicate scientists altered climate data to further the case for global warming. Some US Republicans are hailing these emails as proof that global warming is not in fact occurring, and are calling for an investigation into some members of President Obama’s cabinet with links to the University. In short, some Republicans are claiming computer hackers have debunked global warming, despite the prevailing international scientific consensus for the contrary. “ClimateGate”, as it is being called, has strengthened the belief of many conservatives that nothing should or will ever change. According to Bill O’Reilly, computer hackers have also proved gay marriage would destroy US society. In other news, icebergs melted and a bunch of polar bears drowned for reasons that are completely unknown to anyone, although some analysts are suggesting it is due to abortion laws.

See the AP story here at (gasp) FoxNews.com: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/12/02/white-house-science-officials-defend-climate-change-data-amid-e-mail-scandal/

Tennis Star Makes News, Not Named Agassi

2009-11-28T22:43:00.004-05:00

In an effort to give readers something different, I thought I’d review a story I know nothing about: the Andy Murray tabloid-romance saga. What? Who’s Andy Murray? Exactly. Guy plays tennis, and he’s from England, and I know nothing about tennis or England. But I still hate both.

Murray is actually Scottish, but that is still Great Britian, as far as I know, which is still English to me. So close enough, although I do love Guiness…what, that’s Irish? Nevermind.

Murray dumped a 21-year old student. Which I assume means stripper. All strippers are students, usually at a community college. Not sure if community colleges exist in England, if they do they are most likely called “Ye Olde Community College”, or YOCC.

According to Wikipedia, Murray is currently the 4th ranked player in the world, and was once as high as 2nd. Also according to Wikipedia, Murray is a dragon, and once dated Diana Ross.

In 2005 Murray was named ‘Scottish Sports Personality of the Year’, narrowly edging out William Wallace’s corpse and Groundskeeper Willy.

To sum up the story, Andy Murray is apparently a big deal in Eng-Ire-Scot, but no one cares about him in America. Because he’s a wussy, according to reports, by people.

Get started on the story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091128/en_afp/tennisgbrmurraypeople

Iran Frigid to UN's Advances, Possible Tease

2009-11-28T22:14:00.001-05:00

In a completely predictable move, Iran has again thwarted the efforts of the UN to curb their uranium enrichment efforts (i.e. blowing us up). Mohammed Karamirad, Iran’s Minister of Threatening Mustaches, said his country may pull out of the UN’s Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty, apparently leaving the UN powerless to stop them. Because the UN wears baby-blue combat helmets, which intimidates no one, and makes them all look like a UCLA frat playing paintball. This is not the first time Iran has threatened to withdraw from the UN, the most recent coming in 2006. At that time, the Iranian government threatened to withdraw all production funding from ‘Slumdog Millionaire’. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon said, speaking to press Saturday, “I didn’t really like that movie, kinda sappy…”, before trailing off and muttering to himself about ‘The Dark Knight’ being superior.

See the AP story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/iran_nuclear

Tyler’s Almost-Live Blog: UK vs. Miami (OH)

2009-11-17T01:15:00.003-05:00

Tyler’s Almost-Live Blog: UK vs. Miami (OH)
OR
Notes on a DVR’d UK Game I Already Know the Ending Of

We came, we saw, we almost lost to Miami of Ohio. What really happened? Let me tell you, with random notes about the game.

Patrick Patterson is our best 3pt shooter.
Miami’s coach appears to be a mummy.
Oh, the sweet irony of the announcer talking about how Wall’s jumpshot is “not the strength of his game”. While that may be true, its also ominous.
Announcers are also talking about how happy Miami should be going into the first timeout, they are so close…
…in the end, they also hit 15 threes for the game, if my math is correct, which accounts for 44 points. If my math is correct.
Jesus Christ, my blood went cold when Wall hit his head under the basket…again, even though I know he hits the game winning shot.
Did anyone else see those ‘Winston Law Office’ Commercials with a guy with big ears who claimed to be a lawyer, yet I’m pretty sure it was Scott Padgett? Sad or tragic? Discuss.
Miami is banking shit in. What the ‘eff.
Down 8, about ¼ through the game…now wonder I started getting angry texts…
On the really real, they refer to Bledsoe and Wall too much, gonna be an issue eventually. Unless they both step up and destroy…which could happen actually.
Speaking of for really real, down 12 with 5:11 in the first half…I’m really worried. But not really.
And still down 7 with 15:00 left, geez…
Wall does so much, its frightening. Dude is incredible, but I don’t like how no one else steps up when he has the ball. You know its going up.
Cousins’ pass to Patrick in the post with about 10:00 left was fantastic, best evidence I’ve seen that Cousins might actually be good at basketball. Also, ‘PatrickInThePost’ is my new blogger name.
Cousins’ also came up huge on D tonight, which was something I thought I would go 2 seasons (and then an NBA career) without ever typing…congrats ‘Big Cuz’!
The ‘Big Blue Network’ has apparently made it a priority to praise the ‘dribble-drive offense’. Not sure why yet. BUT they did appear to play good D late, and ‘Big Cuz’ just scored another bucket…AWESOME with 1:28 left…
Leading up to the obvious Wall shot, but Cousins played well, Wall is incredible, Pat is Pat, Miller stepped up at the end, and Orton is a better QB than his brother Kyle.
Peace out. What up John?

The Pollock Who Saved America

2009-11-07T01:11:00.002-05:00

Casimir Pulaski, a Polish-born American general during the Revolutionary War, became a U.S. citizen Friday, after President Obama signed a joint congressional resolution. Pulaski’s famous quote, “I came here, where freedom is being defended, to serve it, and to live or die for it," was horribly remembered by Dennis Kucinich, who kept telling everyone he was also Polish-American. In 1929, US Congress declared October 11 of every year to be “Pulaski Day”, which is since been unobserved by anyone outside of Green Bay.

In all seriousness, the guy is an American hero, see it here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091107/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_us_citizen_pulaski

Giant Football Player Better Than Eli

2009-11-07T00:46:00.002-05:00

As an explanation to the delayed blogs, I’ve been overseas rescuing orphans with Bono. That’s right. Bono. End of explanation.

The tallest teenage boy in the world, according to Guiness, is playing his first year of middle school football. Brendan Adams is a tight-end for the Morgan Middle team in Ellensburg, WA. He is 7’3”. And no, its not a typo that he is still in middle school. He is also apparently going to die very soon. Not funny, unless you’re a sadist, but an interesting story to say the least. Despite his deficiencies, Brendan is already a better football player than any Tennessee Titans wide receiver.

See the story here: http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1011697

Ditch the Dish: Best of the New Network Shows

2009-10-23T19:49:00.002-04:00

It’s not hard to argue in this day and age that network television lags far behind both basic and premium cable. While ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC seem content to rehash reality show ideas and kill any creativity and artistic credibility that may be left in their once hallowed halls, cable channels like FX, AMC, and, of course, HBO continue to release ground-breaking shows that challenge the viewer and create new cultural paradigms. But fear not, guy who doesn’t have cable because you live either in a cave or in Appalachia, there are some good, new shows on the networks. And while it may be odd that you are reading this on the Internet but don’t have cable, who am I to judge? Now let me tell you what to watch:

ABC: “FlashForward”- The new sci-fi serial from writer/producer David Goyer (“Batman Begins”, “The Dark Knight”) is set in world where nearly every person simultaneously blacked out for 137 seconds. If that wasn’t bad enough, every one also had a vision of their future, specifically the day April 29, 2010; anything from affairs, to murder, to sitting on the toilet. The event is blamed on everything from God to aliens, but the real question is why the blackout occurred at all. While it may lack the urgency and craft of its ABC predecessor, “Lost”, the show seems to be a worthy torchbearer that should continue to improve in the able hands of Goyer.
Honorable Mention: “Cougar Town”

Fox: “Glee”- While I may be a sucker for dark sci-fi, I’m also a sucker for any comedy that involves singing. And this show has loads of it. Accomplished Broadway actors Michael Morrison and Lea Michelle star as members of a high school glee club, along with the always-welcome Jane Lynch as a cheerleading coach. But this ain’t “High School Musical”. Created by “Nip/Tuck” head Ryan Murphy, there is a very real, potent underbelly to the show’s saccharine surface.

NBC: “Community”- Created and written by “Sarah Silverman Program” alum Dan Harmon, this show is set in the academically rigorous world of community college. Okay, so its not very rigorous. But it is the perfect vehicle for the sharp, sarcastic wit of former “The Soup” host Joel McHale, and the man who he surely modeled his act after, Chevy Chase. But the show-stealer has to be Asian Spanish instructor Senor Chang, played by the underappreciated Ken Leung. There is no funnier show to premier this year, and McHale looks to be a breakout star.

CBS: Um, well…okay, CBS really does suck. Just watch Letterman before you go to bed. Then no one can accuse you of playing favorites.

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Entertainment Editor and Glee Club Alum

Jon Gosselin Sued, Offers Two Children as Collateral

2009-10-16T21:03:00.001-04:00

Jon Gosselin is being sued by TLC, the network which airs his hilarious family comedy, “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”. The network alleges Gosselin has violated his contract by granting other network’s requests for interviews and photos and by refusing to appear in further filming of the show. Gosselin has cited concern for his eight children as the primary reason he has decided not to continue filming. Meanwhile, Gosselin has been filmed making out with drunk star-fuckers throughout the greater Los Angeles area. Experts, however, have suggested that spending their formative years in front of a film crew may have negative effects on the children. Psychiatrist Martha Stansfield of UCLA even believes she can predict the children’s future professions: “The two twins will both work in hardcore porn, two of the sextuplets will be career criminals, one will be a foot-fetish model, one will be a tranny hooker, one will be a blogger, and the other will be a psychiatrist.”

See the AP story here: http://tv.yahoo.com/jon-kate-plus-8/show/42651/news/tv-news.en.ap.org/tv-news.en.ap.org-20091016-us_tv_gosselin_lawsuit

Nic Cage Loses Millions, Forced to Sell Face to John Travolta

2009-10-16T20:34:00.003-04:00

Nicholas Cage is suing his former business manager, accusing him of negligence and fraud, which led to Cage’s loss of some $20 million. The man, Samuel Levin, is accused of fraudulently telling Cage he was a good actor and negligently allowing him to star in “National Treasure 2”. Cage won an Oscar for his portrayal of an alcoholic in “Leaving Las Vegas” in 1995. Earlier this year, Cage was literally forced to leave Las Vegas after patrons complained of “that awful actor guy” stealing their hotel towels and bathing in the fountain at the MGM Grand.

See the full Reuters story here: http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.reuters.com/nicolas-cage-sues-exmanager-quotfinancial-ruinquot-reuters

Donuts Rebound on NYSE, Still Stop Our Hearts

2009-10-15T01:01:00.003-04:00

Krispy Kreme, the uber-popular and ever delicious donut franchise, is being hailed as a “rise and fall story” in an article released by E-Trade.com today. Surprisingly, the rise and fall aspect does not refer to the waistlines of Americans before and after the opening of Krispy Kreme. The store, or restaurant if you live in the mid-West, had lost 90% of its stock value since 1993, due mostly to taking on massive debts and the health trend in the US. Since February, the company’s stock has grown by over 340%. Experts credit this to Oprah’s recent release of her new children’s book: “Me Likey Donut”.

Read the story here: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/The-Tragedy-of-Krispy-minyanville-220090191.html?x=0

Plastic Women Judged in Budapest, Plasticity of Judges Unknown

2009-10-10T12:11:00.003-04:00

The AP released a story today highlighting the “Miss Plastic Hungary” pageant, a beauty contest held annually in Budapest, in which all of the contestants have had plastic surgery. In Los Angeles, every reality-TV producer simultaneously cursed themselves for not thinking of that idea first. 18 women competed in the event, with the augmented body parts ranging from breasts, to noses, toes, and one woman had her eyes replaced with Tupperware. For the second straight year the winner was a Malibu Barbie doll.

See the video here: http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=16012206&ch=4226714&src=news

Obama Achieves World Peace, Gets Appropriately Titled Award

2009-10-10T11:51:00.005-04:00

President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday, coming only eight months into his first term. The event marked the first time that a black man had been given anything by Europeans that didn’t involve war or disease. Analysts suggest that Obama was given the prize to provide political clout to his continuing efforts for world peace. In a statement, Obama replied, “You know I’m the guy who has people protesting me with loaded AR-15’s, right, I’m about to start shooting people myself.” This is not the first time the Nobel committee has given the award based on promises of future performance. In 1980, the award was given to Jim Belushi, based on the desperate hope that he would half as funny as his brother John. Sadly Jim has yet to make anyone laugh, with the exception of mental patients and my grandma.

Read an analysis of the prize here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091010/ap_on_an/us_obama_nobel_analysis

US Samurai Soldiers to Conquer Middle East, Find Their Power Animals

2009-09-30T01:48:00.001-04:00

The US military has begun utilizing “Warrior Mind Training”, a method of psychological training based on techniques originally developed in Japan by Samurais, according to Time.com. The training includes meditation and mental exercise designed to both reduce stress and increase the ability of soldiers to function in combat environments. According to reports, Tom Cruise has begun work on a film based on this story, “The Last Samurai 2: Modern Warrior”. In related news, my grandfather, a WWII vet who fought at Iwo Jima, muttered quietly over a glass of bourbon, “pussies”.

See the full story here, it really is interesting: http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090907/us_time/08599192075300

Movies That Rot Your Brain: 100 Worst Movies of the Decade

2009-09-30T01:11:00.001-04:00

The popular movie website, RottenTomatoes.com, has released its list of the 100 worst movies of the decade, with “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” topping the list. The site, which is an aggregate of reviews and ratings by popular critics, also included six Carmen Electra movies and films starring, predictably, Mariah Carey and Madonna. However, the list also includes works of Al Pacino (88 Minutes) and Robert DeNiro (Godsend). In related news, I had an ex-girlfriend force me to see “88 Minutes” instead of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” one weekend, and one was great, and one is on this list. I have since forwarded this story to her and commenced harassing phone calls asking why she intentionally ruined a Saturday afternoon of my life and accusing her of sabotaging our relationship via her movie choice.

Check out the full story here (PS- No way “Strange Wilderness” is in the Top 10): http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/movie-talk-rotten-tomatoes-100-worst.html

Glenn Beck: Frog Killer, Self-Loather, Comedy Inspirer, Asshole

2009-09-26T13:05:00.002-04:00

DRP’s “A-Hole of the Year Award” (presented by Wrangler) has a new leader this week. Or, in actuality, a former leader has re-taken the lead. Glenn Beck, universally hated drama queen, boiled a frog alive in water (allegedly) while trying to draw some analogy to President Obama’s economic policies. No word on whether or not Beck actually knows the meaning of the word “analogy”. When reached for comment, Kermit the Frog said, “Fuck Glenn Beck.” Also this week, Beck returned to his hometown of Mt. Vernon, WA to receive a key to the city, and was booed and protested against by the town’s residents. Beck would later mock the residents on his show, which is certainly some warped proof of Beck’s Freudian, incestual self-hate. And to cap off the week, “Saturday Night Live’s” Jason Sudeikis mocked Beck in a hilarious skit. So at least Beck finally gave the world something useful, good comedy based on his a-holeness. Thanks Glenn, you truly are a ridiculous person.

Check out a story about his week here, including the SNL skit: http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93049?fp=1

2009 Emmy's: The Good, The Bad, The Gay Host

2009-09-22T02:11:00.002-04:00

At the 2009 Emmy’s, the most liked gay man by straight men ever, Neil Patrick Harris, hosted what may have been a renaissance of the long-lived awards show. Among the highlights were his opening song-and-dance number, during which Harris taunted Kanye West, Kristen Chenowith’s adorable and sobbing acceptance speech, Michael Emerson finally winning for “Best Supporting Actor” (and then seemingly giving his speech in the character of Ben Linus), and well, pretty much the same winners in the major categories as last year. But when those winners are “Mad Men” and “30 Rock”, what can you do? Bryan Cranston won for “Best Actor”, and as I’ve said, “Breaking Bad” is the best acted show on television (http://tinyurl.com/m3pbnn), but the award was tainted this year award by not including either Michael Chiklis or Denis Leary. Glenn Close, on the other hand, was tainted by nothing for her “Best Actress” award. And at least “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” won (insert inappropriate Felicia Day praise here).

See all the winners at EW.com here: http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/09/20/emmy-awards-winners/?ew_packageID=20300978

Exploding Brains: Too Much of a Good Thing?

2009-09-22T01:21:00.003-04:00

In the first story to make me glad that I smoked pot for years (besides the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy), people with “Super Memory” have been diagnosed as having a mental disorder, according to MentalFloss.com. What is “Super Memory”? The ability to retain information like a computer hard-drive; among the only four diagnosed cases in the world, they are able to retain every bit of information they come across. Imagine remembering every number in your cell phone AND every Final Four team from the last 25 years. Or every thing you’d had for lunch for years for the past 25 years.

To read about the “fantastic” four, click here: http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/34971.html

West KY Doc Explains Healthcare to California, Basketball Next

2009-09-18T23:35:00.002-04:00

As our loyal readers know, the DRP staff grew up in Western Kentucky. And while we may be spread throughout the country now, it was still great to see one of our own published in the LA Times. Dr. Robert Robertson makes a strong case for healthcare reform in a recent op-ed. I’m personally waiting to weigh in on the debate myself until I have an opportunity to peruse Sen. Baucus’s recent proposal, which I have yet to do because I have a day job. But if any case is to be made as to why we need healthcare reform, Dr. Robertson hits the nail on the head. He doesn’t speak to the duty of government to provide healthcare or any sentimental bleeding heart filth, but the nuts and bolts of keeping costs down so more individuals can afford health insurance themselves. I think we can all agree with that. Read it for yourself and let us know your take.

http://opinion.latimes.com/opinionla/2009/09/healthcare-cost-shifting.html

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst

Nobody Puts Joe Wilson In A Corner

2009-09-18T23:15:00.004-04:00

After spending several weeks at Todd Palin’s ice-fishing hole in Wasilla, fighting the wildfires in LA, and attending DJ AM’s funeral, our renowned political analyst, Ian Cland, has returned. And he’s starting with the most ridiculous story he missed: “You Lie!” Gate. Let the healing begin. -Editor

On Tuesday, Congress voted nearly straight-down party line’s to condemn Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) for saying President Obama was fibbing while Obama addressed a joint session of congress the previous Wednesday night. I was watching these proceedings on C-SPAN and the same thought continued to come to mind: “These people do not even have a healthcare bill together that can pass both chambers and they are spending an awful lot of time political grandstanding.”

We can all agree that Rep. Wilson’s actions were stupid and that he has the self-control of a 5th grader with a severe case of ADHD. However, don’t you think that we all have bigger problems to deal with? It is quite obvious the political games that were being played as soon as it was mentioned that Rep. Wilson’s comments were the result of his obscene racism. It was hinted around at Tuesday, with no one coming out and stating it verbatim. And Wednesday former President Jimmy Carter came out and said it.

Rep. Wilson’s actions were similar to the town hall protesters and the angry mobs of the August recess. If his actions were racist, are the town hall and tea party folks also a bunch of racists? It is not hard to see that some Democrats are attempting to paint anyone who vehemently opposes the President’s agenda as a racist. It is not that far of a stretch to see that a President, whose legacy may depend on getting healthcare legislation passed, and who is bleeding independent voters, may use this to his advantage, for better or worse.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and C-Span Apologist

Editor’s Counterpoint: Joe Wilson is an elected member of the United States Congress who acted like a petulant child in order to get his name in the paper and rile up his far-right base. If anyone is playing political games, it’s Wilson. In other words, he started it!

West Interrupts Swift, Confuses Teen Girls and Loses Last Black Fan

2009-09-15T10:59:00.003-04:00

Kanye West plans to take time off, following his MTV Video Music Awards interruption of Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. West apologized to Swift during Monday’s premier of Jay Leno’s new show. West, in what some are calling an attempt to regain any shred of hip-hop credibility, interrupted Swift after she was awarded the ‘best female video’ award, stating that the award should have gone to Beyonce. Beyonce later brought Swift to the stage with her and allowed Swift to finish her speech. In related news, no one older than 22 cares. Speculation has begun that West has substance abuse issues, apparently causing erratic behavior and spectacularly overrated albums. Following the event, Ja Rule announced plans to interrupt Miley Cyrus during this year’s Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards.

See the Yahoo Music story here: http://new.music.yahoo.com/kanye-west/news/west-takes-time-for-3rd-apology-during-leno-debut--61993946

Patrick Swayze Dies at 57

2009-09-15T10:19:00.002-04:00

As I am no doubt the first to report, Patrick Swayze passed away from pancreatic cancer Monday. He was 57 years old. Like a lot of people, I liked Patrick Swayze. He was somewhat of a rarity in Hollywood. Never a great actor in the typical sense, he was still enormously successful. Swayze starred in action films like “Road House”, romantic dramas such as “Ghost”, comedies like “To Wong Foo” (and I personally find “Point Break” funny), genre films such as “The Outsiders” and “Donnie Darko”, and, well he was also in “Dirty Dancing”. Swayze was beloved as much for what he wasn’t as for what he was; willing to take laugh at himself (see his “SNL” Chippendale’s skit with Chris Farley), gracious and humble with his fans, admired by his peers, Swayze seemed to possess none of the prima donna tendencies shared by other actor’s. He is survived by his wife of 34 years, Niemi, whom Swayze met when he was just 19 years old.

See the AP story here: http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.ap.org/39dirty-dancing39-star-patrick-swayze-at-57-ap

Update: Hulk Smash Legal System; Tequila’s Case Dismissed

2009-09-12T13:00:00.002-04:00

Chargers’ linebacker Shawne Merriman will not be charged by the San Diego County DA’s office for the alleged assault of his girlfriend, Tila Tequila (http://tinyurl.com/lepbhf), according to a statement by the DA on Friday. The statement only gave “lack of evidence” as the reason, but Merriman has stated Tequila was intoxicated and he was attempting to keep her from driving. That’s right, Tequila was intoxicated. A woman named Tila Tequila was drunk. Shocker. Merriman said he looks forward to the NFL season, and next dating the runner-up from “Rock of Love”. Tequila’s attorney, Alan Gutman, released a statement by his client, which read: “Wanna pay to see my tits?”

See the AP story here at ESPN.com: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4466257

Iran Wants to Talk With UN, Maybe Go Out to Dinner or Something

2009-09-12T11:39:00.002-04:00

Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki indicated Saturday that his nation may be open to discussing their nuclear program with the United Nations. On Wednesday, Iran presented a proposal for broad-scope negations with the five members of the UN Security Council (USA, Britian, France, Russia, and China), along with Germany. Iran indicated at that time that issues regarding their nuclear program would not be included in the talks. Iran also asked how France got onto the Security Council, as they are, according to Mottaki, “silly little men who just throw baguettes when angered”. In response, the French representative in attendance screamed at Mottaki, “You lie!”, and then pelted him with a crepe. When asked about the pending New York-based talks between Iran and the UN, former-Vice President Dick Cheney indicated the US should preemptively invade Mottaki’s hotel room and waterboard all of the hotel’s mater deis.

See the AP story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090912/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_iran_nuclear

Update: Hermaphrodite Wins World Track Championship, Shemales Vindicated

2009-09-12T11:06:00.003-04:00

Caster Semenya, the South African track athlete whom I have recently called ‘shemale’, ‘girl-guy’, and ‘maybe-man’ (http://tinyurl.com/lcf874, http://tinyurl.com/ljhxgu), withdrew from the national cross-country meet this week amid reports claiming her recent gender-test revealed both male and female sex organs. The IAAF, track’s ruling body, specifically requires gender verification for its participants (when their gender is questioned), and would strip Semenya of her victories if she is proven to be a hermaphrodite. The movie rights to Semenya’s story have been purchased by Paramount, who is in negotiations with both Venus Williams and Robert Downey, Jr. to play the runner. In related news, I have asked the MLB to gender-test the Chicago Cubs’ Milton Bradley, as he hit like a girl all damn season.

Check out Chris Chase’s blog about the story at YahooSports.com here: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Semenya-withdraws-from-race-amidst-reports-she-s?urn=oly,188930

Get Your Geek On: Best Sci-Fi Movies Ever (sorta)

2009-09-09T21:35:00.008-04:00

As part of my geek “AA” aversion program, I’ve been thinking about the best sci-fi movies ever. Of course, this has led regrettably to a new edition of “Overly Long List”. The rules are these: Only Sci-Fi, no Fantasy, no Super-Heroes, no monster movies (mostly, I’ll explain). Sorry “Lord of the Rings”, “Dark Knight”, and “King Kong”, “Frankenstein”, etc. No black-and-white movies, I'm not that old. And only ONE movie from a franchise, one “Star Wars”, one “Terminator”, one “Star Trek”. One list to rule them all.

1. Blade Runner- No movie from its generation, not even the original “Star Wars”, holds up better over time than Ridley Scott’s masterpiece. And we still don’t know if Deckard is a human or a replicant.
2. Stars Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back- Only one, get it? Honestly, I like “Revenge of the Sith” best, but I’ll split the difference with “Episode IV”. The second darkest “Star Wars” movie.
3. The Matrix- Who wants dark sci-fi? Dystopian future, robot overlords, karate, Keanu…how is that not awesome? By far the best of the series, but “Reloaded” is underrated.
4. 2001: A Space Odyssey- They have film classes across the globe about just this movie. Kubrick is always strange, always great to look at, always tricky. This movie’s images burn into your brain.
5. Jurassic Park- As groundbreaking as “Star Wars” in its own way, Spielberg’s best science fiction movie still looks great, and is pitch-perfect action and adventure (Dino’s don’t count as monsters, by the way).
6. Alien- Ridley Scott’s second-best movie is still pretty great. Some say its horror, some say monster-movie, I say it’s in space and has 20-something Sigourney Weaver fighting the alien in panties. Good enough.
7. Terminator 2- Another great example of sci-fi being a special effects forerunner (see #2, #5), Robert Patrick turning to liquid metal and walking out of that fire is still awesome.
8. Planet of the Apes- This allegory for, well, lots of things, is camp with the gravity to avoid being camp. Its remarkably serious, much like Charlton Heston’s hatred of “damn dirty apes”.
9. 12 Monkeys- Coincidence, or just clever writing (apes, monkeys)? Terry Gilliam’s best sci-fi is not “Brazil”, it’s the one with a peaking Bruce Willis and the up-and-coming Brad Pitt.
10. Donnie Darko- There is admittedly no movie harder to understand, plot wise, than this one. But I liked it even the first time I saw it, when it made no sense at all. Now after the 10th time, its starting to come together.
11. A Clockwork Orange
12. Dark City
13. Wall-E
14. The 5th Element
15. Night Watch
16. Road Warrior
17. Event Horizon
18. Serenity
19. Star Trek (2009)
20. Time Crimes
21. Repo Man
22. The Thing
23. Children of Men
24. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
25. Gattaca

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Entertainment Editor and Certified Replicant

Angry Woman Seeks Desperate Men Online

2009-09-09T19:24:00.005-04:00

In an effort to not be that weird, single, 30-something woman you read about in “Cosmo”, DRP’s own Jody Suhrheinrich is embracing the online dating scene. Jody is iListPaducah’s “iDate of the Week”, and was recently featured in an interview for the site. As usual for J-Suave (that’s what we call her around the office), it’s a funny read, and she even managed to fit in a shout out to the blog. In related news, Ronny Lobs has began posting pics of his dong under the “Casual Encounters” link on Craigslist.com

Check out Jody’s interview, and ask her out, here: http://www.ilistpaducah.com/idate/jody_suhrheinrich/

NFL Player Runs Up $15,000 Dinner Tab, Wonders Why Everyone Says Athletes Are Spoiled

2009-09-09T19:06:00.004-04:00

Larry English, the San Diego Chargers rookie, spent $14,508.67 on dinner for the entire team as part of a rookie hazing tradition, according to YahooSports.com’s Matthew J. Darnell, and a tweeted picture by Chargers’ player Shaun Phillips. The dinner included, presumably along with some meat and potatoes (and steroids, Shawne Merriman was there after all), a raspberry sorbet and two other desserts a la mode. Which can only lead to one conclusion: at least three of the Chargers’ players are gay. I’m looking at you kicker Nate Kaeding and punter Mike Scifres. And you, secretly-gay-steroid-addled-Tila Tequila-strangling Mr. Merriman. You had the sorbet didn’t you?

See the story here: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/The-Chargers-are-hungry-and-Larry-English-is-buy?urn=nfl,188313

Shemale Poses as George Michael for Magazine

2009-09-08T18:24:00.003-04:00

Caster Semenya, the South African woman, erm, maybe-man, uh, girl-guyish dude(ette), that won the world track championship in the 800m last month (http://tinyurl.com/lcf874), is the cover-girl(guy) for the new issue of “You” magazine, the “People” of South Africa, so says Chris Chase at Yahoo Sports. No word yet on whether or not “Chris” is a boy or a girl either. Caster is featured on the magazine wearing a designer black dress, jewelry, make-up, and nail polish. Critics claim she looks just like George Michael . In related news, Michael’s real name is apparently Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou. No shit. How did I not know that?

See the Chris Chase story here: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Embattled-track-star-Caster-Semenya-gets-new-coa?urn=oly,187999

Tequila Calls Cops, Make Hulk Angry

2009-09-06T19:14:00.003-04:00

In “the story that made me laugh after nearly being shot by a crazed gunman in a ‘Penn Station’ sub-shop today” news, Shawne Merriman was arrested early Sunday morning in San Diego after his girlfriend, Tila Tequila, called police to his home, where Merriman allegedly strangled her and forcibly kept her from leaving. Tequila, whose actual name is Tila Nguyen, because it would just be stupid to have the surname ‘Tequila’, is best known for her bisexual MTV dating show, “A Shot at Love”, and her “Playboy” issue, printed only on bisexual paper. Merriman was suspended for testing positive for steroids in 2006. And I’m gonna go ahead and accuse him of still being on steroids, in light of this morning’s incident, when he choked and imprisoned Tila Tequila.

Check out the AP story here: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-merrimanarrested&prov=ap&type=lgns

Dying Comedian Fufills Final Wish, While I Sit on the Couch All Day

2009-09-06T18:51:00.005-04:00

Steve Mazan, a comedian who was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, will get to live out his dying wish: to perform on the “Late Show with David Letterman”. This past Friday, Mazan performed before a live audience at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, ending a campaign to appear on Letterman that included a petition and an eerily dark-yet somehow homoerotically-titled website, dyingtodoletterman.com. On NBC, Jimmy Fallon's show featured the comedy of a woman who used think Fallon was funny when he was on Saturday Night Live.

Check out the Yahoo.com story here: http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/dying-to-do-letterman--568

College Football: Bradford Hurt, Tide Roll, Randall Cobb Best Player Ever

2009-09-06T11:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday’s two biggest games were both thrilling, although only one resulted in an injury to the reigning Heisman trophy winner. Okalahoma’s Sam Bradford injured his throwing shoulder just before halftime and did not return. The extent of the injury may not be known for days. Oklahoma, #3 in the AP poll, lost to #20 BYU, 14-13 in Dallas. In other action, #5 Alabama beat #7 Virginia Tech in Atlanta, 34-24. The Tide pulled away from the Hokies during a big 4th quarter from running-back Mark Ingram. Now to the real news. The Kentucky Wildcats thrashed Miami (OH) in Lexington yesterday afternoon, 42-0. It was the Cats first shutout since 1996. WR Randall Cobb accounted for over 100 yards of total offense and two touchdowns, and QB Matt Hartline was impressive as well, despite the duos limited 4th quarter action. In related news, Louisville sucks again this year and got a decent test from a D-II school. All UK fans have been instructed by Rich Brooks to begin apologizing now to U of L fans for the beating they will receive in two weeks.

Check out all the weekend’s scores at ESPN.com here: http://sports-ak.espn.go.com/ncf/index

Palin Costs Money, Integrity (But Only AK's This Time)

2009-09-04T22:34:00.003-04:00

Cland is still on holiday, spending his Labor Day weekend with Jim Cramer and Patrick Kennedy on South Padre Island. Last I heard they were making coconut telephones to sell dog stocks and order teenage babysitters. And I’ve become ‘Pavlov’s Dog’ for Sarah Palin stories in Ian’s absence. The AP says her resignation cost the state more than $40,000, including a special legislative session necessitated by her early departure, and Todd’s last-minute ordering of ‘emergency snowmobile wax’. In related news, duh Alaska, you elect a former weather-girl as your governor and then act surprised when she fucks you out of money, grow up 49th state!

Check the ‘Life and Times of Sarah and Todd’ here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090904/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_resignation_cost

Duck Suspened for Punching Bronco

2009-09-04T22:10:00.005-04:00

Oregon’s LeGarrette Blount was suspended for the rest of the season after punching a Boise St. player following the Ducks’ loss last night at Boise. SEC fans snickered and then went back to eating biscuits and gravy and discussing Georgia’s third running-back upon hearing of the fight. Blount, a senior, scored a school-record 17 rushing touchdowns last season. Blount has also been suspended for any bowl games Oregon may play in. But in the case he hangs a dog from a tree and operates an organized gambling operation, LeGarrette has been granted immediate eligibility by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Get the story from Rivals.com here: http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=txt25oregonblount&prov=st&type=lgns

Man Tackles Girl, Gets D-I Football Scholarship

2009-09-02T22:25:00.003-04:00

In “giving credit where credit is due” news, a Mississippi State defensive end recruit, Kaleb Eulls, saved 22 school-age children from an armed 14-year old female in Yazoo County, MS Tuesday. 3 of the 22 students saved were Eulls’ sisters. The 14-year old student boarded the bus with a .308 pistol and threatened the driver, before Eulls distracted the girl, and then tackled her, presumably leading to her possibly deserved death. In related news, Mississippi State sucks, and Starkville is the worst town in North America. Especially for bus drivers.

See the story at Rivals.com’s MSU site here, its admittedly remarkable: http://mississippistate.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=983337

Palin Wanted to Adopt My Baby, Says Super-gay Levi Johnston

2009-09-02T18:44:00.005-04:00

Since DRP political analyst Ian Cland is on vacation this week, building houses with Ron and Rand Paul in Peru, the duty of writing the Sarah Palin story-of-the-week has fallen to me. Her former son-in-law to be, Levi Johnston, told Vanity Fair that Palin at one point planned to adopt the child of Johnston and Palin’s daughter, Bristol, and claim it as her own. Palin has not made a public response at his point. But experts predict she’s made a couple in private. Bristol Palin and Johnston were engaged to be married for much of John McCain and Sarah Palin’s 2008 campaign, but broke off the engagement just after the birth of their son, Tripp. Levi Johnston is apparently attempting to become a gay icon, and is in negations to pose for “Playgirl”, according to Gawker.com. Palin was reportedly heard to say herself while completely alone, “Hey Levi, ain’t no chicks reading ‘Playgirl’ dumbass.”

Get the AP story and the Gawker.com stories below:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090902/ap_on_re_us/us_palin_levi_johnston
http://gawker.com/5350954/levi-johnston-is-actually-going-to-strip-down-for-playgirl?skyline=true&s=x

Hollywood Wildfire Due to Human Error, Just Like Hollywood

2009-09-02T18:13:00.005-04:00

The wildfire that has burned in the Los Angeles area for the better part of a week, effecting 140,150 acres of the Angeles National Forest, was human-caused, officials said on Wednesday. Whether it was accidental or intentional is still unknown. Gary Busey is wanted for questioning. Gov. Schawarzenegger served breakfast to fire fighters on Wednesday as well, outside of the burn perimeter. The Governor was then inspired to begin work on the new play he is writing, “Predator: The Musical”. Twitter has been buzzing with celebrities complaining of the smoke in Los Angeles, as well as melting fake breasts. In a related story, the guy who set this fire is seriously screwed.

Check out the AP story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090902/ap_on_re_us/us_wildfires

Favre Goes Low, Keeps Going...Lower and Lower

2009-09-01T20:33:00.003-04:00

Brett Favre has officially been labeled a “dirty player”, after throwing an illegal crack-back block on Houston’s Eugene Wilson during last night’s Monday Night Football. Wilson left the game with a knee injury. In related news, the whole city of Green Bay was audibly heard to say “son of a bitch” at the exact moment Monday Night Football commentators reported Favre had illegally blocked and injured a guy in a preseason game.
***Update: Brett Favre has now extended his lead over Glenn Beck in DRP’s “A-Hole of the Year Award” (presented by Wrangler), to three games. If not determined in the regular season, the tie-breaker will be between the duo’s nationally-televised crying conferences. Which is funnier? May the least man win.

Get the link here: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Brett-Favre-throws-a-dirty-block-at-Eugene-Wilso?urn=nfl,186324

Old Dog Dies, World Mourns

2009-09-01T20:08:00.004-04:00

Chanel died Friday, the oldest dog on Earth, according to Guinness Book of World Records. The wire-hair dachshund was 21 in human years, 147 in dog years, and 1,000,000 in goldfish-won-at-a-state-fair years. The dog died of natural causes, and not, as Fox News is reporting, from Obama’s lowered standard of care due to socialized veterinarianism. Its actually a horribly sad story that no dog-lover should read. So here’s the link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_obit_world_s_oldest_dog

Afghan President Acts Like US Politician

2009-08-30T11:51:00.004-04:00

Afghanistan held its presidential election last week, even after threats of imminent violence were issued by extremist groups. While President Obama declared the fact that the election was carried out marked its success, reports of voter fraud began almost immediately. These allegations center on Hamid Karzai, the current Afghan president and leading vote-getter at this time (the ballot count is projected to take several more days). His opponent, Abdullah Abdullah, currently holds 35% of the votes, to Karzai’s 44%. If neither candidate reaches 50%, a run-off is scheduled. The US has become increasingly concerned with reports that Karzai has compromised his office in an effort to win re-election, including political deals with warlords and drug dealers. But Karzai, who the US supported as the first Afghan president following the overthrow of the Taliban, has turned this scrutiny to his advantage, claiming he is able to stand up to the US and will serve only the Afghan people, unlike his opponent. Karzai is reportedly already claiming victory in the election, and may refuse the run-off, even if he does not amass 50% of the vote. So thanks US Presidential Election in 2000, you’ve set the modern trend for allegations of voter fraud and pre-emptive claims of victory that has caught on in the Middle East like wildfire. And we’ll be the ones putting them out.

Check out the NYTimes.com story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/29/world/asia/29prexy.html?th&emc=th

Lawyer Seeks Abortion of Legal Precedent

2009-08-29T23:01:00.003-04:00

The AP is reporting that Scott Roeder, who is currently being charged with the murder of Dr. George Tiller in Kansas, has likely retained the services of attorney Michael Hirsch. Why should you care? Because Tiller performed abortions, Roeder killed him for it, and Hirsch has made a living exploiting similar situations by espousing the (completely unfounded) legal defense of ‘justifiable homicide’. According to Hirsch, despite the fact that every other state to hear this affirmative defense has never allowed it, and that legal precedent is absolutely clear that such a defense is not applicable to fetuses when the mother is choosing to have the medical procedure, there is no reason why he can’t win this case. So Kansas, look forward to a long, public circus of a “trial” that will be utterly pointless and eventually be thrown out of court, after costing tens of thousands in tax-payer money. And Scott Roeder, look forward to prison. And Michael Hirsch, look forward to a new lake-house. Thanks legal system, you’re awesome!

Read the full story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_abortion_shooting

Jackson's Death a Homicide, Or A Great Party Turned "Bad"

2009-08-28T18:47:00.003-04:00

In the news story that will never die (no pun intended), Michael Jackson’s death has been ruled a homicide by the Los Angeles County Coroner’s office. In a statement released Friday, the primary cause of death was an interaction of propofol and lorazepam, a sedative and an anti-anxiety medication. In addition, Jackson’s toxicology screen contained diazepam, or valium, midazolam, a sedative, lidocaine, a painkiller, and ephedrine, a stimulant. Manslaughter charges are expected to be filed against Conrad Murray, Jackson’s personal physician who administered the lethal doses. In related news, I just had a heart attack from writing the names of all those drugs. And this just in, Amy Winehouse has dug up and eaten Michael Jackson’s body.

Check out Yahoo's coverage here: http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jackson-death-a-homicide-criminal-charge-possible/27044?nc

TV Take Over: The 10 Best Shows

2009-08-28T16:09:00.005-04:00

Television is dying. In fact, it might be dead. But my LCD and my DVR don’t know that. And so I still watch. Because my DVR tells me what to do. Just like a girlfriend, or Jesus. Or like Roger Sterling does to Don Draper (kidding, no one tells Don Draper what to do). Does all of this add up to another edition of “Overly-Long List”? I think it does. There’s no need to watch the Emmy’s in a couple of weeks, I’ll just tell you what shows are best. So let’s get started.

1. Lost- The best genre show of all time combines a great ensemble cast, great writing, and mind-bending serial storylines
2. Mad Men- Who doesn’t want to live in this show? The most intelligent and engrossing drama is simultaneously stylish fantasy and utter realism
3. Breaking Bad- Speaking of real, no show is more brutally honest and unflinchingly raw, and it also stars three of the best actors on TV
4. 30 Rock- Consistently irreverent, sometimes silly, endlessly watchable, no one can resist the combined charms of Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, and Jane Krakowski
5. True Blood- Creator Alan Ball blurs drama, comedy, and horror into something completely new and astonishing (oh and it has sexy vampires and shape-shifters galore)
6. Dexter- The most compelling and human character on television happens to be a serial killing ne’er do well with a blood fetish
7. Rescue Me- A dark drama about the human condition that manages to be disturbing, funny, and sometimes just disturbingly funny
8. Flight of the Conchords- Nothing disturbing here, just funny, with pitch-perfect plotlines that lead seamlessly into the duos hilarious songs
9. House- A procedural that avoids repeating itself by pitting its characters against each other without ever forcing the viewer to choose sides
10. South Park- This surprisingly, consistently relevant and topical show is able to be profane while still having a message

Best of the Rest: The Office, Burn Notice, Psych, Fringe, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Sons of Anarchy

Haven’t Seen, But I Hear Good Things: Damages, United States of Tara, Big Love, In Treatment, Saving Grace

Actually Suck: Entourage, Family Guy, Weeds, Heroes, Brothers & Sisters, The Tudors, every CSI

*I didn’t count any reality or late-night programming (i.e. no Idol or Colbert)*

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Couch Potato

Bobby Knight Helps Unravel Conspiracy, Throws Chair at Fox Sports

2009-08-28T15:25:00.003-04:00

First of all, MSN Fox Sports is more difficult to register for than the CIA, or EHarmony. They said I was already registered, and I thought to myself, “Self, when the hell did you register with Fox Sports? You don’t like anything with the word ‘fox’ in it, including the foxtrot, and the Disney movie ‘Fox and the Hound’.” Then I decided the site must somehow know I’m a girl. And while I may hate girls, that doesn’t mean I appreciate the man-sports-conspiracy that exists. Yeah, guys, I know about it, I pay attention. I listen to Colin Cowherd every day. And the men at Fox Sports can’t even get their facts right: “Bobby Knight led Indiana to three titles but was fired in disgrace.” He wasn’t fired in disgrace. Take it from someone who was a freshman at IU when this catastrophic catastrophe happened.

In 2000, Knight was on a zero-tolerance basis for bad behavior, due to previous incidents. So some little shit named Kent Harvey decides he’s going to push Knight’s buttons and says to him, “Hey Knight, what’s up?” And you don’t talk to Coach Knight like that. I don’t know the details of the other chair-throwing, son-choking incidents, and even as an Indiana native I’m not going to try and defend all of his actions. But people knew he had a temper, and those of us at IU knew that then-President Myles Brand had it in for Knight. Brand is a tool to this day, in my opinion, and this final incident was reported by many to have been a set-up of Knight, perpetrated by Brand. Brand claimed to value academics over athletics in explaining his dismissal of Knight. Less than two years later, he left IU to become the president of the NCAA, collegiate athletics governing body.

Should Knight have let Harvey’s comment go, like an adult, a college basketball coach, a General, or whatever else you might call him? Yes. But he was under such a microscope that something was bound to happen. And what a twerp Harvey must have been; or at least a moron. Would you try that with Mike Tyson? No, you would not, because he’s crazy. And so is Coach Knight. Both of them command respect, at the very least.

The winningest coach in Division I history deserves to be inducted into the IU Hall of Fame, which, by the way, is what Fox Sports’ story is actually about. He won Indiana three national titles, after all, and ran a clean program that was never put on any sort of suspension. After the “incident”, he gave a speech to the students, including myself, on campus in Dunn Meadow. He talked about his love for us, and for the university. Knight did what he had always done, what he thought was right. He DID NOT leave Indiana in disgrace. But Brand did, after being burned in effigy by students and alumni angry at Knight’s firing. And Kelvin Sampson did, after numerous recruiting violations that landed Indiana three-years probation. Its a disgrace that Coach Knight left Indiana. Get it right FOXGLENNBECKSLANT Sports!!!

Check out the full story here: http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/9969990/Indiana-to-induct-Knight-into-Hall-of-Fame?verification=true#fsAlert

-Jody Suhrheinrich, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sports Correspondent and Damon Bailey Fanclub Member

Gillispie Charged with DUI, UK Tells Nation: “I Told You So”

2009-08-27T17:41:00.002-04:00

Former University of Kentucky men's basketball coach and controversy magnet Billy Gillispie has been charged with driving under the influence. Gillespie, who spent two seasons at Kentucky, was pulled over on US 27 in Anderson County after another driver reported a white Mercedes driving erratically. Gillispie told Lawrenceburg police officers he had just finished playing golf; oddly enough it was 2:45 a.m. A male passenger who was riding with Gillispie was charged with alcohol intoxication. This is not Gillispie’s first run in with the law. He has also been charged with DUI’s in Texas and Oklahoma. One case was thrown out, in the other Gilliispie pled down to a reckless driving charge. Shortly after taking the job in Lexington, Gillispie was allegedly stopped for drunk driving and given a ride home by Lexington police officers. No charges were filed. However, Gillispies “get out of jail free card” ran out after an overall record of 40-27. He was fired at the end of last season, his second. In May, Gillispie sued the university in a Dallas federal court for breach of contract and fraud stemming from his release. UK responded with a countersuit a few days later, stating that an official contract was never signed and that the Texas court lacked jurisdiction to hear the case. So after Louisville coach Rick Pitino’s recent troubles, the questions surrounding new UK coach John Calipari, and now Gillispie, expect Western Kentucky coach Ken McDonald to be charged with murder any day now.

Check out the full story at Fox Sports:
http://msn.foxsports.com/cbk/story/9992458/Former-Kentucky-coach-Gillispie-charged-with-DUI

August Doldrums: A Note From Our Political Analyst

2009-08-26T19:34:00.004-04:00

Its August recess and I am bored. Congress is back home dodging verbal assaults from angry constituents who don’t understand the same healthcare bill that Congress doesn’t understand, and President Obama is in Martha’s Vineyard eating salt water taffy for photo ops with his children. Basically August is boring and I am bored, and a tad cranky. Not because of my love of salt-water taffy, but because of the lack of news. So stay tuned...and please send taffy, or news stories.

P.S. This is also the reason JT Wilham is able to sneak obviously liberally slanted stories into our unbiased forum. I apologize to all our reasonable readers.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Boredom Expert

Apple iBombs France

2009-08-26T15:42:00.002-04:00

Authorities in France launched an official investigation Wednesday into recent explosions of Apple iPhones. Several consumers have come forward, stating that their phones either cracked or exploded without explanation, leading to injuries in some cases. Eerily similar cases of iPods heating up and exploding are currently under investigation in the US and Britain. Apple has sold some 226 million iPods and iPhones since their release, but has not yet commented on any investigation. In related news, France has surrendered to and is being occupied by Steve Jobs.

Check out the full story at YahooTech: http://tech.yahoo.com/news/afp/20090826/tc_afp/franceusitinternettelecomapplecompany

Adults Teach Teens To Be Cool

2009-08-26T14:54:00.003-04:00

In DRP’s never ending quest to dissect and understand Twitter, it has now been discovered that its people like me who are driving the new social networking tool. The New York Times is reporting that teenagers, the most obsessive text messagers and the initial force behind the popularity of sites like MySpace, are not using Twitter. According to the report, only 11% of users are between 12 and 17, exceedingly unusual for a new social medium startup. The public nature of Twitter has simultaneously led to its utilization by professionals and its avoidance by teens more drawn to the privacy of services such as Facebook. However, experts point to the popularity of other adult-driven web-based media such as YouTube and Blogger (this site) as proof that teens are not the only ones involved in trendsetting. I now intend to exploit my trendsetting ways, perhaps creating a new dance craze or popularizing a new indie movie. Be the first to know by following me on Twitter.

Check out the story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/26/technology/internet/26twitter.html?th&emc=th

Report: People Believe Lies When They’re True

2009-08-26T11:48:00.002-04:00

In the new issue of Sociological Inquiry (you know you love it), researchers found that people will construct elaborate justifications for their beliefs, even when presented with evidence that directly disproves them. In other words, people will believe outright lies, if they want to. Newsweek reports that the researchers presented persons who believe Saddam Hussein was involved with 9/11 with evidence disproving any link, such as the “9/11 Commission Report”. Participants continued to believe Hussein was involved. According to the study, people continue to believe falsehoods not because of any certain bias, but because they have formed their opinions in order to make sense of the world around them, i.e. Hussein is connected to 9/11 because the US invaded Iraq. Researchers are referring to the phenomena as “inferred justification”, essentially retrospective reasoning by persons to make logical sense of current events. In related news, Michael Jackson never fondled young boys because the world would never care so much about the death of a pedophile.
Check out the full story here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/213625?from=rss

End of the ”American Royalty”: Ted Kennedy Dies at 77

2009-08-26T11:05:00.004-04:00

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy died yesterday, due to complications from a brain tumor. Kennedy was 77. A polarizing figure in American politics for some 50 years, Kennedy was a hero to the Liberals, and the ultimate villain to Conservatives. The only member of the four Kennedy brothers to reach the age of 46, he was also the only one to lose a Presidential election, failing to win the 1980 Democratic Primary. Kennedy touted the ideals of tolerance, equality, and peace, first touted by his brothers John and Robert in the 1960’s political scene. But his own shortcomings, and those of his family, also made him an easy target for adversaries’ barbs. In 1980 in Chappaquiddick, MA, Kennedy was driving with Mary Jo Kopechne, when they were involved in an accident that led to her death. His later divorce only added to Kennedy’s faults. And Democrats also remember Kennedy as instrumental in rejecting President Nixon’s universal healthcare plan, something he would support the rest of his time in Congress. Perhaps this is what made Ted Kennedy such a Dickensian figure; surrounded by family tragedy, personal demons, moral shortcomings, forced into the role of torch-bearer for not only the Kennedy clan, but an entire set of American political ideals, he simply did the best he could. And to those who worked with him, he was an enormously respected legislator, and peer. Trent Lott, as great a modern rival as he faced, wrote a letter to Kennedy shortly before his death. It read in part: “Thank you my friend for your many courtesies. If the world only knew.”
Read the full AP story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_kennedy_essay

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Editor-in-Chief

Michael Beasley Tweets About Suicide, Lives to Regret It

2009-08-26T10:18:00.003-04:00

2nd overall NBA draft pick in 2008, Michael Beasley of the Miami Heat, has voluntarily checked himself into a rehab clinic in Houston. The 20 year-old former Kansas State star was in Houston working out during the offseason. It is unclear what kind of treatment Beasley is receiving. Reports have suggested everything from depression to drug and alcohol abuse. On Friday, Beasley posted pictures on his Twitter account of his new tattoo with what appeared to be a small bag of marijuana in the background. Beasley also recently posted phrases like “I’m done” and “can’t win for losing” on the account. The 6’9’’ power forward was the second leading scorer on the Heat last season, with an average of 13.9 points per game and 5.4 rebounds. He was also a 1st Team NBA All-Rookie selection. Last September, Beasley, along with fellow rookies Mario Chalmers, Darrell Arthur, and two women, were busted at the NBA rookie symposium when the scent of marijuana was smelled coming from their room. Beasley was fined $50,000 for his part in the incident, and forced to roll future blunts with Phillies papers instead of his preferred Optimos.
To read more on Beasley check out the article at ESPN.com: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4419340

-Ronny Lobs, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Sports Editor and NBA Junkie

A Different Take on 1994: How Bush Happened

2009-08-21T17:51:00.003-04:00

It is kind of funny our editor-in-chief, and my boss (Editor’s Note: Yeah, right), JT Wilham mentioned 1994 in his article yesterday, because with the recent healthcare debate, 1994 has been on my mind recently as well. You see readers, 1994 was not just about good music; it was about a Republican majority in the halls of Congress for the first time in 40 years. Republicans held that majority until 2006, a not so long or productive 12 years. Since then, as often happens, with the ebb and flow of political parties, the Democrats gained momentum and the talking heads began to talk about the end of the Republican Party. But will 2010 be similar to 1994? In many ways, you can say yes, and in one very important way, no

In 1994, “Hillarycare”, as the Clintons initiative was called by some, was moving forward and “populist” rage, spurred on by Republicans and talk radio, ruled the day. The Democrats had been in the majority so long they were divided, and not united on healthcare reform. “Hillarycare” was an overreaching piece of legislation that was not going to pass in what was still a right-to-center country. Are you starting to see parallels?

The one stark difference I see is that in 1994 the Republicans had a leader with vision; in 2010 I do not know if they will have the same luxury. While Beohner and Cantor have a certain charm, it is no where near the gravitas and vision of Gingrich, love him or hate him. And for Republicans to truly repeat history they must have a leader at the helm, and I do not see anyone stepping up just yet. Also of note is that 1993 was the last time Republicans won both gubernatorial races in New Jersey and Virginia. In 2009 both Republican candidates, as of today, have double-digit leads.

Obama and his party have taken what, in my opinion, was a referendum on President Bush and his policies as a mandate for liberal policies. There has not been a drastic shift in where our country stands and the core beliefs held by many Americans, everyone just came to the not difficult conclusion that Bush was not a great President and our country needed a “change.” Combine that with a great candidate running a great campaign against a not so great candidate and not so great campaign and you get the outcome that was 2008. But this was not a directive to radically change America . President Obama may be starting to realize this, and for the sake of his party he better figure it out quickly, or 2010 could be 1994 all over again.

You will however, have to ask JT Wilham if the music compares.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Newt-lover

1994: The Year Your Parents Warned You About

2009-08-20T21:34:00.002-04:00

Most people, like my dad, will tell you that 1969 was the best year ever for music. And they could be right. You had albums by: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, CCR, Allman Brothers, MC5, Fleetwood Mack, The Stooges, Grateful Dead, Frank Zappa, Joe Cocker, King Crimson, Neil Young, The Band, Nick Drake, Bob Dylan, The Bee Gees, Black Sabbath, Blind Faith, Jefferson Airplane, Sly and the Family Stone, Santana…you get the point. But 1994 was better than that. I should know, I was 13 years old.

There were plenty of highlights to ’94, the year has its own overly-long list of classics (see below). And now, these albums are literally classics to some. It doesn’t take too much listening to hear Nirvana or Pearl Jam on a classic rock station. How ironic it was called Modern Rock, just before it became Alternative. Now it’s Classic. But that’s the great cycle of rock n’ roll, Led Zeppelin released their first two albums in 1969, and I can only imagine how strange both sounded then, how different from what had come before. They came at the height of the decade, the crescendo of an era. And in much the same way, ’94 was a crescendo of the early 90’s and late 80’s. Both ‘Nevermind’ by Nirvana and ‘Ten’ by Pearl Jam came out in 1991. But REM released ‘Document’ in 1987, Sonic Youth released ‘Daydream Nation’ in 1988, and The Pixies released ‘Doolittle’ in 1989. It was process to get from Sly Stone to Notorious BIG. You had to have Run-DMC’s “Hard as Hell” in 1986. But these albums are what made ’94 great, and what still makes it great. You’re welcome, America, enjoy this overly-long list!

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Musicologist and Sr. Nerdologist

• Nirvana- Unplugged
• Pearl Jam- Vitalogy
• Weezer- The Blue Album
• Beastie Boys- Ill Communication
• Dave Matthews Band- Under the Table and Dreaming
• Portishead- Dummy
• Nas- Illmatic
• Counting Crows- August and Everything After
• Oasis- Definitely Maybe
• Bush- Sixteen Stone
• Nine Inch Nails- The Downward Spiral
• Green Day- Dookie
• Soundgarden- Superunknown
• Beck- Mellow Gold
• Stone Temple Pilots- Purple
• Notorious BIG- Ready to Die
• Liz Phair- Whip Smart
• The Cranberries- No Need to Argue
• Tom Petty- Wildflowers
• Pavement- Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
• TLC- Crazy, Sexy, Cool
• Blur- Parklife
• Seal- Seal
• Guided by Voices- Bee Thousand
• Jimmy Page and Robert Plant- No Quarter
• Tori Amos- Under the Pink
• Johnny Cash- American Recordings
• Offspring- Smash
• NOFX- Punk in Drublic
• Sarah McLachlan- Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
• Sonic Youth- Experimental Jet Set, Trash and No Star
• REM- Monster
• Morrissey- Vauxhall and I
• Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Let Love In
• Live- Throwing Copper
• Hole- Live Through This
• Alice in Chains- Jar of Flies
• Elliott Smith- Roman Candle
• Massive Attack- Driven
• Pantera- Far Beyond Driven
• Pink Floyd- The Division Bell
• Common- Resurrection
• Outkast- Southernplaylisticadillacmuzic
• Jeff Buckley- Grace

Plaxico Burress Pleads Guilty, Makes Me Feel Guilty

2009-08-20T19:20:00.002-04:00

DRP favorite Plaxico Burress pled guilty to weapons charges in New York City Thursday after accepting a plea bargain for 2 years in prison. The minimum sentence for such a crime is normally 3 1/2 years. Burress’ non-registered weapon discharged in a Manhattan night-club last November. Sentencing is scheduled for September 22. In a related story, I have officially run out of jokes about Burress. And such jokes may have been in bad taste anyway, as the man is certain to serve some time in prison, and he already shot himself and was kicked out of the NFL. Sorry Plax, you were great for my fantasy team for two seasons, good luck while incarcerated. PS, now you can wear track pants everyday!
Check out one of our previous Burress stories: http://deadrabbitpublishing.blogspot.com/2009/08/burress-indicted-becomes-familiar-with.html

The Simple Life (DOES NOT Involve Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie)

2009-08-20T18:59:00.002-04:00

John Zogby, of Zogby International, Inc., notes that Americans are cutting back and it may not have been entirely recession induced. According to Zogby, we as a country are adopting a less frivolous lifestyle and it may be more of a social change than an economic adaptation.

Is this a good thing? Check out the article and leave some feedback, tell us what you think:
http://www.forbes.com/2009/08/19/live-simply-recession-opinions-columnists-john-zogby.html

Public Option A Political Conundrum

2009-08-20T17:36:00.003-04:00

As discussed in a previous article, http://tinyurl.com/np8uxv, Democrats seem destined to screw up healthcare reform by swinging to the far left and leaving their moderate Senators out to dry. By reiterating demands that the reform include a public option in the healthcare reform bill, the President and the liberal wing of the Democratic Party are going to turn this fight into a political stalemate sure to leave us with no reform in 2009.

When the President (who is supposed to represent the entire country) declared earlier this week he was dropping the public option, the liberal wing of the party, i.e. those who represent liberal districts, went into an uproar. Those members of Congress say that a bill without a public option will not win enough votes from their caucus to pass the House. The President has seemed to cave to those demands, and has put the public option back into the bill.

This may appear to be murky to say the least, but I hope to provide our readers with an insight into what will become of this amorphous mess in the next couple months, at least politically speaking.

Democrats have enough votes on paper to ram this bill through congress without any bipartisan support. If the public option is not included, there are threats from House members that there will not be enough votes for the bill to pass the House. However, if they choose to include a public option, and I think the pressure from the left may be too much for them not to, they will not be able to get a bill through the Senate. Democrats have a filibuster proof 60, enough for a cloture vote to end debate to bring the bill to a floor vote. The moderates in their caucus; Mary Landrieu (D-LA), Ben Nelson (D-NE), Mark Pryor (D-AR), Blanche Lincoln (D-AR), and possibly Mark Warner (D-VA) will prevent the Democrats from being able to obtain the 60 needed for cloture if the bill does indeed include a public option.

This lack of compromise will leave us with a healthcare reform free 2009, and a not so sunny outlook for the Democrat Party in 2010.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Fearless Prognosticator

Democrats Lack Majority Support to Lead as Majority

2009-08-20T17:20:00.006-04:00

So Liberals are tired of the healthcare debate, so says the AP. They’re probably right. As a “Liberal” (I used to call myself a “Progressive”, then I realized the impracticality of that label) I do feel a bit letdown by President Obama; for many years the idea of every American citizen having access to great healthcare has been a dream of the “Liberals”, and it seemed, on the surface at least, an inevitability after the presidential and congressional elections of 2008. But the razor thin filibuster proof majority in the Senate may not be enough to get the sweetheart bill and make this inevitability a reality.

The Democrats are trying to kill me. To those who don’t know me, the Democrats are the Chicago Cubs of electoral politics. They are seemingly destined to lose, to do something simultaneously unbelievable and unforgivable.

That being said, I do have major issues with how Obama has handled this . At a time when he could have been stong (i.e. hard-headed), he should have a taken a page from George W. Bush’s playbook (i.e. hard-headed). He could have rammed this bad-boy through Congress. His sky high approval rating in his first 6 months and his very position in history should have afforded him that much. But at the end of the day political capital has a limited credit line. With “cap and trade” and the massive American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA) both of which received minimal bipartisan support, he seems to have maxed out his political capital credit card. There were some good items in the ARRA, but were any of them more important than healthcare for all Americans? It occurs to me that he could have really compromised on the ARRA and when it came time for healthcare debate been able to tell the American people: “Hey, we are bipartisan we gave a lot on the ARRA, and now the Republicans will not play ball with us. They are the ones holding this important measure up, not the Democrats.” But, hindsight is 20/20.

But the point is this: President Obama, you met predictable opposition to a plan you had to know would be met as such, now what do you do? You could have likely forced this bill through. You need to play hardball with the Progressive Caucus and the Blue Dogs, let them know you are the President and you pretty run the show. Hell, that’s why you hired Rahm…right?

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Editor-in-Chief and Tree-Hugger

Favre Gets His Attention, Packers Jealously Evil-Eye Former Lover From Across Room

2009-08-19T20:18:00.004-04:00

Yesterday Brett Favre again joined the NFL, signing with the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings play in the NFC North Division. Brett Favre played 16 seasons with the Green Bay Packers, who also play in the NFC North. Well, predictably, everybody is pissed. So when Favre at yesterday’s press conference, after being asked how he thought Green Bay fans would react to his return, said, “If you’re a true Packers fan, you understand”, it was somewhat upsetting to those fans. And they don’t understand. As Ross Knautz told Charles Robinson of YahooSports.com, “I’m 54 years old, I been a Packers fan since I was 5…I’m a true Packers fan. Maybe a real Packers player would understand how I feel.” So Brett is once again in the lead for DRP’s “A-hole of the Year Award”, and Ross Knautz is in 1st for our “Biggest Heartbroken Man Crush on Brett Favre” award. Presented by Wrangler.

Read the story at: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=cr-favrereaction081809&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Shemale Wins World Track Championship

2009-08-19T18:55:00.005-04:00

Remember that story we did about a “man” beating up a woman a couple of days ago (http://tinyurl.com/q2ybwr)? Where we called a woman a man, even though she was just a very muscular female? Well that story may have come to life. South African teenage track-star Caster Semenya is undergoing gender testing by the IAAF, track’s international ruling body, to determine whether or not she is in fact a lady. Semenya won the 800-meters at the world championships Wednesday, capping a rapid improvement for the once unknown track-athlete. Her deep voice, muscle build, and rise from anonymity sparked the gender controversy, and has sparked the interest of renowned tranny-lovers Eddie Murphy and RuPaul.

Check out the full story at YahooSports.com: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/news?slug=ap-worlds-gendertest&prov=ap&type=lgns

Legalize Drugs? Sorry Hippie…Ain’t Gonna Happen

2009-08-19T12:48:00.002-04:00

There are many reasons to legalize drugs and surrender the invisible war on an amorphous idea. The proponents of legalization have well founded facts and figures that make sense. The US could save millions on the “war,” collect tax revenue, stop the deaths of millions because of violence spurred by the illegal drug trade, and the pillars of society would certainly not collapse. However legitimate the arguments are, they do not matter; our country is not ready to shift paradigms and become Amsterdam-like.

We are still a center-right country with an aging population that will not accept this type of rapid change. So be happy with these baby steps. Medicinal marijuana was a big win in some states. As far as sweeping change, it’s just not going to happen, so put your resources where you are able to get small wins. Come talk to me in 50 years, when wholesale legalization of that “wacky tobaccy” may be a realistic and justifiable topic. Until then, you’re just going to have to keep that three-foot bong behind closed doors.

(Here is the article that sparked this post, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/16/AR2009081601758.html, this was written by two ex-Baltimore PD officers, and is worth the read. Their opinion is poignant, and founded on years of actually being in the “war on drugs”.)

Now let’s all go get drunk in public!

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and NyQuill Abuser

Brett Favre Has Desire to Quit Another Team After Season, Signs with Vikings

2009-08-18T14:54:00.003-04:00

Multiple sources are now reporting that Brett Favre will return to football, and he is expected to sign with the Minnesota Vikings today, pending a physical. In a related story, I just threw up in my mouth a little. By my count, this is the 15th time Favre has retired and unretired, making him one of the biggest prima donnas in professional sports history. Favre will turn 40 during this NFL season, and is expected to sign for between $10-12 million. Oddly, stories of Favre’s impending arrival began just after training camp ended last week. Favre, who has not been a regular participant in training camp throughout his career, is already the expected starter ahead of Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson. He is also among the current leaders for DRP’s “A-hole of the Year Award”, along with Glenn Beck and Orly Taitz.

Check out the story at ESPN.com: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4406963

Man Stalks Obama with Semi-Automatic Rifle to Make “Political Statement”

2009-08-18T13:47:00.002-04:00

In breaking news, the world is filled with dumb people. According to the AP, “About a dozen people carrying guns, including one with a military-style rifle, milled among protesters outside the convention center where President Barack Obama was giving a speech Monday.” You know when you’re so outraged you stutter and spit when you try to talk? I don’t know how to convey that same sentiment via written word, but I’m stuttering and spitting.

Here’s a reality check for all you 2nd Amendment crazies: President Obama cannot take your guns away. Do you know any of the other amendments besides the 2nd, are you aware that Congress and the judicial system exist, have you heard of “checks and balances”? Just to demonstrate how skewed this nation is IN FAVOR of gun rights, Arizona is an “open-carry” state. This means you can take a loaded gun anywhere, provided it is not concealed. For that, you need a state issued permit. At the protest Monday, one man was seen marching around outside the convention where OUR PRESIDENT WAS SPEAKING, with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle slung over his shoulder, all legal in Arizona. So answer this, “Right-Wing Gun Nut” (I call him this because despite having such an unnecessarily powerful weapon, he declined to identify himself), what fucking rights are being infringed upon when you can legally and openly stand yards from the President with a loaded gun? What more do you want, to be allowed to possess nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, advanced alien technologies that you’re sure the government is hiding from the public? What is it exactly that you’re protesting?

No one was able to answer that yesterday in Arizona. They were, however, able to assure us that they had a right to be there protesting something while carrying loaded firearms. And here’s a clue why they have that right: the NRA is one of the most powerful political lobbying groups in the country. And nobody, not even Obama, has the political clout to completely go against the interests of the NRA. In 2007, the NRA helped defeat a bill that would have required mental illness to be included in the national registry used for background checks before purchasing a weapon. Is that so much to ask, that crazy people can’t buy guns (or at least medically recognized crazy people anyway)? And this bill was rejected only a couple of months after Seung-Hui Cho, who was being treated psychiatrically, killed 32 people during a shooting rampage at Virginia Tech University! Not even the murder of children was enough to move the NRA toward tighter gun control, and the government simply followed their lead. While the federal government does now offer financial incentives for states to include mental illnesses and criminal records in the national database, it is not required. And since 40 states allow a person to purchase a gun at a gun show without so much as a background check, even requiring such information would not keep weapons out of the hands of the mentally ill. The NRA also opposes closing the so-call “Gun Show Loophole” as well. Big effin’ surprise.

Most normal people I know (including conservative hunters- yes, not really normal, but my friends nonetheless) simply want tighter gun restrictions and regulations so responsible gun owners like themselves don’t get a bad rap from these crazies dancing around a convention center with an AR-15 master blaster or whatever the fuck. I don’t care for guns and never want one, but I support non-crazy people’s right to own one responsibly. And the NRA should do the same. It is in the best interest of all citizens that those who chose to own guns be able to handle the responsibility that comes with ownership. Despite the large scope of the 2nd Amendment, as recognized by the courts, it is not an absolute right. There are rules, and those rules are for the benefit of all. Even the crazies.

Check out the full AP story below: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090817/ap_on_re_us/us_obama_protesters_guns

-Jody Suhrheinrich, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Culture Editor and Sword Enthusiast

“The Fix” Is In: Washington Post Headed for Fascism?

2009-08-18T12:21:00.002-04:00

Chris Cillizza, political blogger for the Washington Post, and his KGB/SS inspired, control-freak editors have started banning commenter’s who “engage in personal attacks” against other commenter’s. I guess on “The Fix”, Cillizza’s blog, no one is now allowed to call anyone “stupid”, regardless of whether or not their comments are in fact stupid. I do not blame “The Fix” for this, but instead I see this censorship as a by-product of the “old media” (i.e. newspapers) having problems adapting to a “new media” environment (i.e. blogs).

Here at DRP, we want to go on the record as supporting the rights of commenter’s to attack other commenter’s they disagree with. When people write dumb things, you are allowed to say “that is dumb” or even “you are dumb”. The way I see it, such attacks would either be seen as patently true, or as a petulant, childish way of avoiding actual debate. In either case, justice is served, so to speak. But commenter’s should have the right to wage whatever level of discourse they see as appropriate, or are at least willing to stoop to. Even racial, ethnic, and religious attacks, while wholly inappropriate in any context, are easily dismissed by most as ignorance and silly cries for attention. In the case of the Washington Post and Cillizza, the only harm being done is to their egos. The rest of the world has moved on, and easily recognizes such behavior as exactly what it is, or isn’t. So while we might not have the tradition, or perhaps the “integrity” of the “old media” giant, we can at least recognize that editing comments hinders free-speech, and is a slippery slope to fascism. Or at least irrelevance.

Still, “The Fix” is an awesome source of political news and Cillizza has great insights. Check it out: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/thefix

-Ian Cland and JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Editors

Twitter Promotes “Babble” and “Bots”, Also Britney

2009-08-17T21:36:00.003-04:00

Pear Analytics, a marketing research firm, conducted a random sample of 2,000 Twitter messages. While that number may only represent a fraction of daily tweets published on Twitter, the study nonetheless found some interesting facts, including that blogs about Twitter are increasing exponentially...

Pear Analytics, a marketing research firm, conducted a random sample of 2,000 Twitter messages. While that number may only represent a fraction of daily tweets published on Twitter, the study nonetheless found some interesting facts, including that blogs about Twitter are increasing exponentially...

• Pear said "pointless babble" accounted for 811 "tweets" or 40.55% of the total number of messages sampled.
• Conversational messages -- defined by Pear as tweets that go back and forth between users or try to engage followers in conversation -- accounted for 751 messages or 37.55%.
• Pear said tweets with "pass-along value" -- messages that are being "re-tweeted" or passed on by users to their followers -- accounted for 174 messages or 8.70%.
• Self-promotion by companies was next with 117 tweets or 5.85 percent, followed by spam with 75 tweets or 3.75%.
• It said tweets with news from mainstream media publications accounted for 72 tweets or 3.60%.

In a related survey conducted by Sysomos, it was determined that 24% of all tweets are made by “bots”, automated programs that target accounts for marketing purposes. Also, 5% of accounts are responsible for nearly 75% of all tweets, with most of these belonging to persons with 50,000 or more followers, like Britney Spears and Ashton Kutcher. So at least its intelligent, reliable people generating all that information.

Here is the link to read the first story at Breitbart.com: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.80c182849ca932a32a5eda49e4fe1b02.3b1&show_article=1.

And here is the link for the second survey at Mashable.com: http://mashable.com/2009/08/06/twitter-bots/

I now have to tweet all my followers and let them know that I am watching Jim Cramer’s “Mad Money” and eating leftover Chinese food.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Surveyist

Going Brown: When Going Green Goes Horribly Wrong

2009-08-17T16:10:00.001-04:00

If I hear the phrase "Go Green" one more time I might puke. It's not that I'm against going green, I'm actually very much for it, but it's become a fad and anyone who knows me knows I can't stand fads- even good one. I mean, once a progressive concept starts to show up as an MTV promo sandwiched in between back to back episodes of “The Hills”, my stomach starts to turn. Once I start to come across baby tees at Wet Seal emblazoned with "Recycling is Cool" across the tiny pre-teen chests, I turn sour. After every women's magazine I read features articles on the most earth-friendly lipstick or biodegradable bathing suits, I really start to heave.

And I know these are GOOD ideas, I know that. But saving the planet has a lot more to do with massive corporate overhauls on chemical emissions than buying t-shirts made from notebooks…or notebooks made from t-shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know we have to start small. It's good to refill your water bottles with tap water, it's good to save plastic bags, turn off the water, shut off the lights, etc. All good. But I'm tired of hearing about it from people who don't get it. Your earth-friendly light-bulb isn't a magical cure-all, and telling everyone about all the amazing crunchy things you do is certainly not a quick fix.
Barforama, yeah I said it.

Maybe I'm so bitter because in my family we were raised "green" if you will…gag. We've been green. We weren't allowed to throw away plastic butter tubs and we got our allowances taxed for every light we left on. Presents were wrapped in newspaper, and there you go, my family's better than yours. But that's not why I'm telling you this. Going green is not a passing phase, please remember, it's a permanent state of mind that you should embody because it's the right thing to do- not because you read that Kirsten Dunst is really into recycling in US Weekly. So do your part, shut your mouth, and let's all hold hands and sing. Wait, I also hate it when people do that…

-Jody Suhrheinrich, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Environmental Analyst and Captain Planet Fan

How Douglas Elmendorf Ruined Healthcare Reform

2009-08-17T15:50:00.003-04:00

Who is Douglas Elmendorf and why should you care? Elmendorf is the Director of the Congressional Budget Office, the “independent” agency charged with estimating the cost to the taxpayers when our elected officials decide to attempt to do their jobs. The CBO, the majority of the time, reviews legislation through a slightly partisan lens; the director is appointed by the Speaker of the House and Senate President Pro Tempore (Nancy Pelosi and Robert Byrd), but it does strive for nonpartisan accuracy. And Elmendorf is apparently taking his striving very seriously.

When the CBO receives a bill with budgetary implications it is their job to estimate its cost to the taxpayers, both long and short term. These budgets can drastically alter the fate of bills like healthcare reform. In June the CBO estimated the costs of both the House and Senate healthcare bills, both of which exceeded $1 trillion. This posed a problem in the Obama sales department. Obama has talked about the excess costs that our current system imposes on our budget and how overall healthcare reform would save us money.

Elmendorf shot over 1 trillion holes in that claim, and Obama has not seemed to be able to recover. Obama has sold the bill during the campaign and in recent pressers as free. This becomes a problem when the CBO puts over a $1 trillion price tag on something the American people had been promised as free. The American people don’t listen to anything ever, unless the word free is involved, then their ears perk right up. Our culture yearns for freebees. We want the elusive equation of zero input and high output, we want to start the job and in three weeks be the CEO of the company.

But in the end, nothing is free, healthcare costs money and a lot of it. Elmendorf, though probably not invited to any of the good DC parties anymore, has made that abundantly clear. Ultimately, your humble Sr. Political Analyst does not care which side of the Healthcare debate you land on, but would rather that you just be honest with us, the American people.

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst

Man Assaults Woman in Front of 16,000 People, Not Stopped for Five Minutes

2009-08-16T12:59:00.003-04:00

Cris “Cyborg” Santos, who is either on steroids or a man if you read the net message boards this morning, defeated Gina Carano at an MMA event in San Jose, CA last night. The fight marked the first time two women had headlined a major event in the US. The two were considered by most analysts to be the top female fighters in the world; while many gave the physical edge to Santos, many considered Carano the better technical fighter. But they were also separated by an ocean of sexism. Carano is totally hot, while Santos is, well, not. Most fight fans, and any man who just heard about the “chick fight on Showtime this weekend”, heavily supported Carano, even while explaining she had no chance "against that dyke”. By most accounts Carano acquitted herself well, but was overwhelmed by the strength of Santos at the end of the first-round. The referee stopped the fight with only one-second left. Despite the historical night in MMA history, most of the news this morning surrounds Santos’ gender confusion and hopeful pleas for Carano to now pose for “Playboy”. And the fabric of our society just crumbles a little bit more.
Click to read more at ESPN.com: http://sports.espn.go.com/extra/mma/news/story?id=4402027

Woodhouse Brothers Attempt to Euthanize Mother on National TV

2009-08-14T17:27:00.004-04:00

Do you when remember when our country had open and honest debates about our collective futures, and we all came together to form a consensus, and then acted in the best interest of the country as a whole? Of course not, because the last time that happened it was 1776, and if you remembered that, you would be a zombie. And zombies can’t remember a damn thing. Nowadays, we just repeat the bickering buzz of whichever side of an issue our favorite politicians land on, never stopping to think that they might just be on that side of the issue because they are professional politicians, and they are worried about votes, not actually doing what they honestly think is best for the people. And so we just cut our own throats, or if you’re like the Woodhouse family, you just cut your brothers throat (verbally, and on national television).

The Woodhouse’s are two brothers originally from Raleigh, NC, who apparently grew up as normal, loving brothers. But now that Brad is a senior official at the Democratic National Committee, and Dallas is a senior official for the conservative Americans for Prosperity, and President Obama either wants to provide healthcare for every American (if you’re Brad) or wants to tax the healthcare industry out of business and euthanize your grandmother (if you’re Dallas), the two brothers don’t really get along anymore. They went on CNN and apparently tried to kill their own mother, who was watching, by shaming her into an early-grave. Brad called Dallas “an extremist”, and said his followers presented a “mob mentality”. Predictably, Dallas said “Death Panel” a few times, and accused Brad of sending “union goons” to one his group’s rallies to intimidate him. After the two’s appearance, Brad’s office realeased a statement regarding Dallas titled “AFP's Representative Repeats False, Discredited Claims on Health Insurance Reform”. And then I assume the two traded wedgies and wet-willies until their dad had to threaten them with grounding.

The fact that the Woodhouse’s are brothers only highlights what is wrong with our modern “democratic” process; it is all too often only about winning, and that only means gaining some sort of political capital to be used in the next election. It has zero to do with actually helping the people, it has zero to do with improving our country, and it certainly has zero to do with upholding those grand ideas that our nation began with in 1776. Both sides agree that our healthcare system is unabashedly flawed, that it is far too expensive for normal people or businesses to continue paying for, and that it will only continue to grow in expense. Yet we’d all rather sat around and call each other names than make any sort of actual effort to fix it. And we’ll continue to do so. Because that just makes for better TV.

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Editor-in-Chief and Death Panel Representative

Read more at Politico.com: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0809/26091.html#ixzz0OC5v2oKv
Or NYTimes.com: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/us/politics/13brothers.html?_r=1&fta=y

Note to John Edwards: You Should Have “Pitino’d” That Affair

2009-08-14T11:41:00.003-04:00

I have one question for former fluke Senator, only picked because he was southern Vice Presidential candidate, and never had a chance Presidential candidate, John Edwards: What the hell is wrong with you? He has now admitted paternity of his former mistress’s 18 month old child, according to local news sources in North Carolina, after spending the better part of the last two years publicly denying that fact.

When whispers of an affair began to circulate during his 2008 presidential bid, Edwards vehemently denied them. After finally admitting the affair, he denied being the father of the child. Now he is being exposed for that as well. It has to be a difficult mistake to admit, but eventually you would think the stress would start to affect the sheen on that beautiful head of hair, as well as any future political aspirations, and he would have told the truth.

Over the past couple years, there have been numerous politicians (and sports figures, movies stars, reality-TV personalities, etc.) who have been publicly exposed as having carried on extra-marital affairs. The ones that fully confess, even after being backed into a corner, seem to be able to continue their careers. Edwards, however, seems to divulge something new every six months, maybe just to remind us that he is still relevant enough to have his affairs covered. John, take a page out of Louisville coach Pitino’s book, admit you “did” her, make sure everyone knows it was consensual and she totally wanted “it”, and then press charges against her. However, do NOT take a page out of former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s book, and start telling the press of every dirty secret you have accumulated over the past 25 years before they even ask. That doesn’t seem to work well, either. So in short, admit a mistake, lie slightly to dampen the impact, and then shut the hell up. People are fickle, and they will forget. Just ask 2012 Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich.

Check out the full story at WRAL.com by clicking on the link below: http://www.wral.com/news/local/politics/story/5791651/

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Admitted Polygamist

Michael Vick Murders Dogs, Signs With Eagles

2009-08-14T00:00:00.007-04:00

Michael Vick, convicted organized crime financier, dog murderer, mediocre NFL quarterback, and persecuted folk hero to some (trust me, I was living in Atlanta when the whole thing went down, he is still loved by many) signed a one-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles Thursday, after serving 18 months in prison for his crimes. Vick was convicted of criminal conspiracy in August 2007 and suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Godell. Godell reinstated Vick in late July, at which time Godell and Vick ate the still-beating heart of a Cocker Spaniel.

The Eagles are among the favorites in the NFC, and most experts think Vick will primarily run the “Wildcat” offense, the NFL version of the NCAA “Spread” offense, in order to utilize his running ability. Philadelphia is considered an older team by NFL standards, and starting running back Brian Westbrook has had an injury plagued career and has reached the age of no return (i.e. 30+) for his position. His back-up, LeSean McCoy, is a rookie out of Pitt. Philadelphia’s starting quarterback, Donovan McNabb, is also in the twilight of his career, but coach Andy Reid is a “West Coast” offense disciple, and Vick’s passing abilities have proven very limited. Expect him to see only spot-duty. I for one can only hope that Eagles’ fans throw batteries at Vick, as they have so infamously done to opposing teams’ players in the past, and form an angry mob and murder him at mid-field after his first interception or fumble. And then, preferably, grind his body into a nice cheesesteak and feed it to some hungry dogs. To read a slightly less biased version of the story at Yahoo.com, click on the link below.
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=txeaglesvicksigns&prov=st&type=lgns

Gay One-Year Old Nominated for Emmy

2009-08-13T13:34:00.002-04:00

Seth McFarlane, the creator/writer/voice actor of the apparently funny to some people “Family Guy”, reveals in the new issue of “Playboy” that Stewie, the one-year old sociopath on the show, is in fact a gay character. Fans have seen many hints of this over the years, but it had never been confirmed until now. McFarlane said that the writers had even plotted a storyline in which Stewie’s sexual-preference would be revealed, but a script was never written after it was determined the situation was better left vague. “Family Guy” was somehow nominated for a “Best Comedy” Emmy award this year, which many critics have suggested was an attempt by the Emmy’s to maintain relevance (the same could be said for the “Entourage” nomination). In related news, Disney has revealed that Donald Duck is transgender. Check out the full story at TVOverMind.com.
http://www.tvovermind.com/tv-news/family-guy-baby-stewie-confirmed-as-a-1-year-old-homosexual/7763

Grocery Shop of Horrors

2009-08-13T12:28:00.004-04:00

Ah, my love-hate relationship with grocery shopping! Sometimes I find it therapeutic, browsing the aisles for the newest, tastiest whole grain cracker. Other times, I find it a true test of my sanity. And since I normally fail evaluations of mental health, I have devised a Grocery Store Edition list of things Jody would like you to do and not do for everyone in the world…forever:

1. Carts. Or buggies as their often called around here…you know what? Scratch the original Rule 1!! No more calling grocery carts "buggies"!! That's not what they are!!

2. As I was saying, CARTS. Try to adhere to the standard rules of the road when maneuvering your shopping cart throughout the store. Thus,
• You may NOT barrel down the aisles as though no one else and their carts exist.
• Instead proceed cautiously and defensively. Be on the lookout for erratic cart drivers. They are most likely going to do something stupid so give them the right of way…and the evil eye.
• Here's a quick timesaving tip/demand; if you only need one thing from a particular aisle, say a box of brownie mix, PARK your cart at the end of the row and walk yourself-SANS CART-down the aisle and grab the individual item. This prevents congestion.
• Park your cart in the mandated cart corral. Please. It is really unfair for the supermarket staff as well as myself to have to move your cart from the middle of a perfectly good parking spot because you were too lazy to roll it less than 5 feet away to the allotted space.

3. Please refrain from loudly proclaiming you are going to beat your child senseless if they don't "Sit down and shut up!" This doesn't work and is usually followed by a long, loud stream of wailing from the child. Disturbing, and is a whole 'nother blog entirely.

4. Coupons. GRRRR!!! I hate obsessive coupon people! I know they're practical and moneysaving but this is my blog and my rules and I cannot stand waiting in line behind customers who insist on haggling with the cashier about a $1 off of their jumbo can of baked beans. It's a dollar.

5. Self-check outs. If you find them even the slightest bit confusing, just skip it and let the cashier check you out the old fashioned way. There are people waiting behind you who do actually understand how to key in the produce code.

6. Self-check outs Part II. Grocery store management, can you please enact some sort of mandatory IQ test for any interested self-checking out parties?

7. Express Aisles. Ah, the classic complaint, it seems the general public cannot be reminded enough times. 15 Items or less, live it, learn it, obey it.

8. Lines. I sort of stole this one from Dane Cook. If you are in line, you are committed to your spot. Should you happen to vacate this spot because you forgot an item, etc. you are now required to start over at the end of the line. Your cart is not a person and does not count as a spot saver. As Dane says, "You can't be lying down in the shampoo aisle reading US Weekly and still be in line." (Editor’s Note: Yes, this is Dane Cook’s one funny joke)

9. Favors. If you find yourself in that awkward ah-crap-me-and-this-other-person-just-showed-up-at-the-same-to-get-in-line-position, and you have enough food in your cart to feed a crazed army that's been marching for days, and the other person has a pack of batteries and a can of Manwich- let them go first for the love of God! The visible relief you will see spread across their face will be reward enough. Trust me, sometimes you just can't get those batteries in the remote and the Sloppy Joe in your mouth fast enough.

10. Favors Part II and Conclusion. I know common courtesy is a real salty bitch sometimes, in the way that she never seems to reciprocate, but you have to obey her because that's the way things are. So I leave you with one final rule: if you are waiting in line and a cashier opens up a new lane by announcing, "I can help whoever's next in line", the person IN FRONT of you is the person next in line because they are in front of you and have been waiting longer. *Disclaimer, should the person/people in front of you seem oblivious to the lane opening after TWO announcements, you may now merge yourself into the start of that line.

-Jody Suhrheinrich, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Cultural Analyst and Manwich Enthusiast

Crazy Republicans Rejoice, Gays Prepare to be Bashed

2009-08-13T12:16:00.004-04:00

In yesterday’s Politico, DRP favorite Jonathan Martin discussed Rick Santorum and his testing the waters for a 2012 presidential run. So you can add Santorum’s name to the list of hard-line, Christian right candidates that will be vying for the Jerry Falwell vote in 2012. He will join Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, and probably a couple others, who all will no doubt run just right of Genghis Khan in the Republican primary.

These candidates will no doubt run on their “moral righteousness”, and now the trimmer Huckabee has added his ability to be not as fat to his list of presidential credentials. It should make for more “fire and brimstone” slinging than any election in recent memory, and will undoubtedly lead to a gay-sex scandal involving at least one candidate. If you are not familiar with Santorum, the former Senator from PA, check out the Politico article here. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0809/26029.html

Update: I am not the only one who thinks Santorum is a freak; here is an extra crazy excerpt from former Bush advisor Mark McKinnon’s blog on the prospect of Santorum 2012.

"I’m a pretty tolerant guy, but beyond his ideology, some of Santorum’s behavior is just a little bizarre. For example, Santorum has six children. In 1996, he had a son born prematurely who lived for only two hours. He and wife brought the child home and introduced the dead infant to the rest of their children as “your brother Gabriel” and slept with the body overnight."

This is truly freaky stuff. Read McKinnon's entire commentary... http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-08-12/santorum-is-dangerous/full/

Kill Your Television: Web-Comedies Win Out

2009-08-12T15:51:00.007-04:00

Once upon a time, people watched comedy series on television. I remember, and I even still do, when I’m feeling nostalgic. But today, any geek who’s anybody watches completely web-based series on their computers; either from the comfort of their office cubicle, the lonely corner of a corporate coffee giant, or that room of your home you use to avoid your wife and children, and cry shamefully. The content of these web-series gets better every year, and they're serving as an outlet to more and more established artists who are seeking greater control and creativity via the web. So for those of you still stuck to your couch and staring at that big glowing rectangle, i.e. your TV, stay stuck to that couch, but stare at the smaller glowing rectangle of your computer screen instead, and check out these great comedies online.

“The Guild”
Writer/Producer/Actor Felicia Day (TV’s “Buffy”, “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog”) is the genius behind this series, which follows a guild of “World of Warcraft” type online gamers who are forced to meet in person when one member steals all of the guild’s online treasure. Day is the star, but its an ensemble cast of vastly different characters that make “The Guild” arguably the most successful web-based series to date. The conflict of personalities makes for fresh comedy, and Day is irresistible as the bumbling, self-conscious girl-gamer. Is it obvious I have a huge crush on her? Not in a creepy way or anything…okay, maybe in a creepy way. Go to Watchtheguild.com, get Seasons 1 & 2 on DVD at Amazon.com, or download them on X-Box Live.

“Wainy Days”
David Wain is the somewhat-legendary former member of “The State”, turned writer and director of movies like “Role Models” and “Wet, Hot American Summer”. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you have missed out on some of the best comedy of the last decade. The web-series follows Wain, slightly imagined, as he lives and dates in New York City. He basically has a new love interest every week, and the list has included Amanda Peet, Rashida Jones, and Elizabeth Banks (in a particularly funny couple of episodes). The humor is Wain’s patented mix of farce and cleverness. And also an unusual amount of dancing. Go to wainydays.com or mydamnchannel.com for Wainy Days and lots of other great series (I suggest “Horrible People”).

“The Legend of Neil”
After Neil’s girlfriend broke up with him one day, he did what any rational man would do: he started drinking, playing “Legend of Zelda” on the original Nintendo, got turned on by the fairy in the game, began masturbating and auto-erotic asphyxiating himself with the controller cord, then blacked out and somehow woke up inside the game. That not enough of a set-up for you? That’s only the opening credits. He lives through the game, fights its enemies, explores its dungeons, rescues its princesses, and has sex with its fairies, all while keeping the foul-mouthed sense of sarcasm that New Jersey gas-station attendants are famous for. Go to effinfunny.com/legend-of-neil or Atom.com for Legend of Neil and lots of other great series (I also recommend "Chad Vader-Day Shift Manager").

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Net Nerd and Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Aficionado

China Refuses To Bring Sexy Back

2009-08-12T13:31:00.005-04:00

The Chinese province of Henan, in central China, issued a statement Tuesday saying persons who send sexy text messages, or “sexting”, will face fines and possibly up to five days in jail. Those who send more than one could face up to ten days. Similar regulations are found throughout the country. Chinese Communist Party rules state that, "obscene information not only harms the people's soul but harms the people's morality as well", and sexting is seen as violation of that rule. While the government states such messages are often unwanted and their reaction is in an effort to curb such conduct, all “sexy” text messages are covered under the law. No word on what the definition of “sexy” is under Chinese law, but it presumably includes Yao Ming. In related news, the poverty line in China encompasses all those who make less than $1.25 a day, some 207,000,000 people. But at least their souls and morality are protected. To read the fully story at Breitbart.com, click on the link below.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.e2bccc05aa54b3091c9b0ac0ab1e3b55.181&show_article=1

Crazed Villagers Storm Kentucky Capital, Forget Pitchforks and Torches

2009-08-12T12:23:00.004-04:00

To continue with DRP’s investigation into why the national media thinks Kentuckians are backwater hillbillies, I’ve found a story on Ben Smith’s blog at Politico.com about Orly Taitz, a “birther”, but oh so much more. To those who haven’t been paying attention to the national political scene (and believe me, I wish I could turn away), “birthers” believe President Obama was not born in the US, and thus want him thrown out of office. Of course, they have no evidence. So what? They’re crazy, illogical, and loud, and Taitz is apparently the loudest in the Blugrass State. She and her acolytes recently stormed Frankfort, espousing all sorts of crackpot conspiracy theories straight out of an “X-Files” episode. Click on the link below to read the full story, and get a good laugh at Taitz’s, and Kentucky’s, expense.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/

EA’s Madden ’10 Hits Shelves, Tecmo Bowl ’10 Still Only a Dream

2009-08-11T20:07:00.004-04:00

The 2010 edition of EA Sports “Madden NFL” will be released August 14, at which time guys who never played football at any level will be able to wear replica jerseys and pretend as if they are both the owner and players of an NFL franchise. It will also allow the developer, Electronic Arts, to include minute, nearly unnoticeable improvements to the game-play, while coining buzz words for these improvements to justify the $60 price tag for a game that really is the same as last year’s. John Madden is noticeably absent from the newest edition, having locked himself inside his famous cruiser after the latest retirement of Brett Favre. He has reportedly eaten nothing but two turduckens a day since early February. Madden’s in-game commentary is replaced by looped ads for Snickers and Sprint. In another break from tradition, the game’s cover features both Arizona’s Larry Fitzgerald and Pittsburgh’s Troy Polomalu, allowing for the destruction of two player’s seasons via the “Madden Curse”, instead of the usual one. You can read all about “Madden NFL ‘10” and get a game review at IGN.com by following the link below.
http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/101/1011937p1.html

Kentucky Politicians Ruin Picnic, Delight Stephen Colbert

2009-08-11T11:26:00.008-04:00

The Kentucky Democratic primary for Jim Bunning’s U.S. Senate seat is attracting attention, like Rachel Ray’s whispering eye in a meat locker. The 129th Fancy Farm Picnic, Kentucky’s annual election season kickoff, was the site of a hysterical attempt at old time fire-brand politics, brought to you by candidates Jack Conway and Dan Mongiardo. Their ridiculous back and forth led you to believe they were on the cusp of a slap fight, not class warfare. Check out Conway's speech in the video below, and see how these a-holes are making the whole state look stupid (the fun starts at 3:10 into the video).

There were also some funny YouTube videos on this throughout last week; unfortunately they have been pulled, no doubt thanks to hard work by the Conway legal team. But since the “Jack Tough” video, the funniest of the bunch, is no longer available, I’ll describe it: imagine Conway’s feminine pronunciation of “one tough son of a bitch” set to the music of “Macho Man” by the Village People, with other clips of tough men contrasted with clips of Conway fixing his hair and being “Jack Tough.” My description comes nowhere close to doing the video justice. It even caught the attention of Washinton Post blogger Chris Cillizza, who called it “hilarious”, and prompted Stephen Colbert to joke about the event on “The Colbert Report”.

Dan Mongiardo got a break this week, though he has not been able to out raise the fabulous Conway. I would guess that a couple of DC insiders saw some new vulnerability in Conway, and are rethinking their support of him in the primary. On the other hand, Mongiardo is not much better off; the former doctor, in his late 40’s, has a new wife still in her early 20’s. While this would make him a “cougar” if he were a woman, as a man it just makes him kind of creepy.

Click on the link below to read more about this at the CourierJournal.com.

http://www.courier-journal.com/article/20090801/NEWS0106/908010355
-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst

Is the UFC Destined for Near-Future Failure?

2009-08-11T10:33:00.004-04:00

Brazilian MMA fighter Anderson Silva continued his dominance in Philadelphia last Saturday, with a first-round KO of Forest Griffin at UFC 101. The fight, which some regarded as the biggest test that Silva had faced to date, proved to be anything but. And now Silva leads a group of seemingly unbeatable UFC champions.

After circling his opponent for the better half of a minute, middle-weight Silva unleashed a barrage of strikes on the light-heavyweight Griffin, showing his speed and pinpoint accuracy. Silva knocked Griffin to the canvas, and then did so a second time after Griffin returned to his feet. It was at this point Silva began to mock Griffin, motioning with his hands for him to get back up. After getting back to his feet for a second time, Griffin went into attack mode, charging Silva and striking with a right and a left. Silva backed up, dodged the onslaught, and then countered with a short straight-right square to the already dislocated-jaw of Griffin. The jab buckled Griffin’s knees and sent him to the ground for a final time, as the referee stopped the fight. A celebratory Silva performed his “Brazilian Rain Dance”, while Griffin rushed back to the locker-room to have his jaw set.

Anderson Silva’s performance at UFC 101 puts him back into the conversation of top pound-for-pound fighter in the world, with the likes of Georges St. Pierre and Feodor Emelianenko. Another fighter formerly in the conversation, WEC bantamweight Miguel Torres, was TKO’d by Brian Bowles the night after UFC 101. But the issue now becomes, who is going to fight the UFC’s champions?

Also at UFC 101, lightweight champ BJ Penn dominated a legit contender, Kenny Florian, submitting him Round 4. St. Pierre, the UFC welterweight champ, has not lost a round in his last five fights, including a second victory over Penn, as well as victories over Jon Fitch and Matt Hughes. Silva is the middleweight champion. He will face serious competition from Dan Henderson, assuming the rematch is a done deal; but he has beaten Henderson (the only recent fighter to give him real competition) and after dismantling Griffin, he may opt to stay in the light-heavyweight division for the remainder of his three fight contract with UFC. The light-heavyweight champ, Lyoto Machida, is undefeated. He next faces “Shogun” Rua, who is a good fighter, but has recently lost to Griffin. Machida could also face an aging Quentin Jackson or an over-rated Rashad Evans in the near future. No one, outside of Anderson Silva, looks to be much of a challenge for Machida, at this point anyway. And then to the big boys, and the biggest of boys, in Brock Lesnar. While he may not be a likable fighter, and may do interviews like he is still answering to Vince McMahon, the guy is a ridiculously gifted wrestler, and a ridiculously large human. As cerebral as Frank Mir may be, he stands no chance in a rubber match. Shane Carwin is undefeated and physically a match for Lesnar, until you get to the actual fighting. The same goes for Cain Velasquez, except he seems to be a potentially better athlete than Carwin. Good thing they fight each other at UFC 104. Antonio Noguiera is a gifted fighter, but past his prime and coming off a loss to Mir. The only real challenger for Lesnar is Emelianenko. And since he just signed with the junior-league Strikeforce promotion instead of UFC, I assume he knows he couldn’t beat Lesnar. So I’ll leave it at that.

The point being, we may have reached a real lull in the UFC, and therefore MMA (there is no MMA outside of UFC, seriously, unless you go the featherweights). There seems to be a line-up of champs that are all in their primes and unbeatable, at least in their respective weight classes. So I expect to see Silva-Machida, and Penn-St.Pierre 3, and for Lesnar to fight a bar full of bikers. Dana White won’t let us down. And he knows better than anybody, that any fighter, on any given night, is just one punch away from victory or defeat.

-JT Wilham and Ronny Lobs, Dead Rabbit Publishing Cage Writers

Tom Cruise’s Son to be Next Tom Cruise

2009-08-10T21:25:00.003-04:00

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s son Connor Cruise is set to star in the “re-imagining” (Hollywood doesn’t remake movies now, they re-imagine them) of “Red Dawn”, the popular 1980’s action film about teenagers fighting off Russian communist. In order to modernize the film, this time the communist are Chinese, and reportedly the lead protagonist is a vampire. Connor will next star in the re-imaginings of “The Outsiders”, “Footloose”, and finally “Cocktail”. He will then marry an Australian actress yet-to-be-determined, and join a cult created by a recently deceased science-fiction writer.

Click on the link below to read the full Reuters story at YahooMovies.com.

http://tinyurl.com/loulwt

Alanis Morrisette Teaches Jimmy Hoffa a Lesson

2009-08-10T18:04:00.006-04:00

The unionized workforce at the national office of the Teamster Unions is threatening a strike. According to a letter obtained by Politico.com, negotiations between Teamster President Jimmy Hoffa (his son, not a zombie), and the Office and Professional Employees International Union (OPEIU), are not going well. Hoffa goes on to state that the OPEIU “refuses to acknowledge the current economic conditions and the impact on per capita revenues at the IBT." What we have here is union officers who are trying to run a business getting a dose of their own out-dated medicine; as Alanis Morrisette would say, isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

This news is especially funny in light of the recent debates over the very controversial Employee Free Choice Act (EFCA). The EFCA is Big Labor’s number-one legislative priority in the 111th Congress. If passed it will drastically alter the way businesses are ran in the US.

The EFCA seeks to change the mechanism for union organizing, from secret ballot elections to what is known as “card check”. The “card check” provision allows for union organizers to simply get a plurality of target company employees to sign a card, and the company will then become unionized. The EFCA’s opponents point out that those employees will not be able to voice their true conscience with a union organizer staring over their shoulder, expecting them to sign the card.

Also, the EFCA could lead to legally binding, outside arbitration. In a nutshell, this would allow a government appointed arbitrator to come in and hand down a contract, good for two years, if both parties cannot come to an agreement within 120 days. The difficulty in two parties reaching a copacetic agreement between employees and employers in this allotted time period is obvious. What makes this truly ridiculous is the possibility of someone that knows nothing about the operational practices or standards of a particular industry may be put in charge of handing down this contract. This should be frightening to both employees and employers. And finally, the EFCA simply increases penalties for employers who violate the laws during an organizing campaign.

Does Jimmy Hoffa want a federal arbitrator coming in and handing down a contract that is good for two years? Probably not. As he stated, the economy has changed he is not able to pay the OPEIU employees as much this year as he could last. Hoffa needs a little flexibility to be able to keep Big Labor running. This is why the union model is out-dated, and why union membership has been on the decline for decades. Once a union is introduced into the workforce, you, as the employee, can no longer negotiate with your boss on a one-on-one level. Your boss can no longer make the adjustments that he needs to make in tough economic times to keep his business running. This was made horribly obvious with the downfall of Detroit and the American auto manufacturers. With their bloated union work force, the big three could no longer adjust to the competitive, global market. The unions were not the only reason GM for this, but they didn’t help.

Hopefully this Big Labor infighting will give Hoffa and his ilk a new perspective on management-employee relations, and they will be more reasonable in the future. But if not, at least we’ll have their sweet irony and hypocrisy.

Click on the link below to read the full story at Politico.com

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0809/Teamsters_face_threat_of_internal_picket.html

-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Jagged Little Pill

Breaking News: Tiger Woods Good at Golf

2009-08-10T12:49:00.003-04:00

Tiger Woods won his 70th PGA tour event yesterday, besting Padraig Harrington in the final round of the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational and putting him third on the all-time wins list behind Jack Nicklaus and Sam Snead. The win was secured on the 16th hole, when Harrington, then one shot up on Woods, hit his fourth shot into the water. Woods tapped in for a birdie and finished the hole leading by three strokes. At that point, Harrington likely resigned himself to second-place and finished the round by drinking beer and putting with his fairway wood; the events of the last two holes are unknown because all spectators, both at the course and watching on television, presumably turned the event off after Woods grabbed the lead. Click on the link below to read the full story at Golf.com.

http://www.golf.com/golf/tours_news/article/0,28136,1915452,00.html

US Government Tweets: “Big Brother is Watching”

2009-08-10T12:00:00.002-04:00

Last spring, Air Force One performed an unscheduled flyover of the Statue of Liberty in New York City’s harbor (a no-fly zone), prompting understandable fear and panic among the city’s residents and officials. The media immediately jumped on the story, and deservedly so, as it was stupid thing for the President and the Air Force to do without proper planning. In an effort to control the damage done by the event, newly released documents show that authorities monitored and utilized Twitter, YouTube, and some blogs. While the military has been critical of such social networks as possible sources of leaked information from its members, it seems they are not naïve as to the benefits of surveying the sites. On a related note, Defense Secretary Robert Gates has changed his Facebook profile to indicate his personal status as “In a Relationship”. Click on the link below to read the full AP story at Yahoo.com.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090810/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_pentagon_twitter_tracking

G.I. Joe: Rise of "Who Gives a Shit?"

2009-08-07T18:10:00.005-04:00

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” opens this weekend, and I for one am meeting the live-action adaptation of one of my childhood stables with something even less than a yawn. In fact, I could not possibly care any less about anything.

The minute I heard about this movie, I didn’t care. All I wanted to know was who would play ‘Snake-Eyes’, and in fact its Ray Park, ‘Darth Maul’ himself. Park is great, and I know it. Yet, I still don’t care. The gorgeous Sierra Miller is going to play ‘The Baroness’? Still don’t care. Why? Because I stopped liking “G.I. Joe” the minute I stopped playing with the toys (a couple of months ago), and because there is no canon storyline for “G.I. Joe” or the 1980’s cartoon series. All of the successful comic-book adaptations in recent years, and even some of the non-successful ones, have had a deep catalog of stories to draw from. ‘G.I. Joe’s’ were just fucking toys. Even the “Transformers” cartoon had a beloved “death of Optimus Prime” storyline to work with, even if the movie didn’t use it. The producers at least suckered people into the theater for the first one, myself included (those of you who saw “Transformers 2”, please kill yourselves, its more than you deserve).

You see, “G.I. Joe”, the toys anyway, began in 1964 and represented the four branches of the military. In the 1980’s, they were re-branded, to a degree, and became what most people are familiar with today. But even then, there were never any ridiculous nano-suits that made them into super-soldiers, as there apparently are in the movie. They were representations of real life infantry soldiers; like my grandfather, and most of my generation’s grandfathers. That’s why they were so cool to me as a kid.

Yet I can semi-proudly say, and have made painfully obvious so far, that I am pretty much in the target demographic for the “G.I. Joe” movie, with the exception that I like character development. I’m into the comic-book, fantasy type of thing, I see about 10 movies a week, and grew up with the cartoon. But you know what? I might not even rent this movie. Unless I’m totally wrong, and it gets great reviews and word-of-mouth, ‘Duke’ and ‘Cobra Commander’ are just going to have to deal with it. Plus, who wants to see the summer blockbuster (and it will finish as the #3 summer movie behind ‘Transformers’ and ‘Potter’) that Mark Wahlberg turned down the lead role in because he felt it was of such low quality? That’s right, Marky-Mark people…

-JT Wilham, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Entertainment Editor and Closet Shipwreck Fan

Death of a "Bard": John Hughes

2009-08-07T12:35:00.003-04:00

John Hughes, the “bard of teen angst” as he has been called, died of a heart-attack yesterday while visiting family in Manhattan. He was 59 years old. Hughes was responsible for some of the most beloved movies of the all-time, and in the span of three years (1984-1987) he wrote and directed: “Sixteen Candles”, “The Breakfast Club”, “Weird Science”, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, and “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles”.

Hughes also wrote “Mr.Mom”, “Home Alone”, and “Vacation”, “European Vacation”, and “Christmas Vacation”. Hughes helped to establish a modern-voice in the film genre, refusing to either talk down to or lecture at the younger generation, instead showing the modern reality of teens with all too real adult concerns and problems. He leaves behind a collection of films that showcase his unique talent, and that will continue to be viewed repeatedly by those who, like myself, simply love his work. Click on the first like below to read a story about some of his famous actor’s reactions to his death at ABC.com, or on the second link to view his career at IMDB.com.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=8275706&page=1
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000455/
-JT Wilham

“Wise Latinas” Hate Nunchuks

2009-08-07T12:00:00.004-04:00

Wednesday the Senate confirmed Obama’s US Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor in a 68-31 vote. Politico.com called the hearings a “snoozer”, and it definitely was. With her racial comments and questionable rulings, remember the New Haven Fire Dept case, this was one story that could have grabbed some headlines this summer, but didn’t. (Editor’s Note: Read about the controversies surrounding Sotomayor at AssociatedContent.com: http://tinyurl.com/nty9wf)

In order to find some drama or humor or anything of interest, your Sr. Political Analyst had to do a bit of “Googling”. The best story I found over the weeks of Senate confirmation hearings is the exchange regarding a ruling on the legality of nunchuks in New York City, between Senator Orrin Hatch and newly-confirmed Justice Sotomayor. The exchange scared some of our friends over at the National Rifle Association, logically; if Sotomayor is going to take away their nunchuks, she is obviously going to take their semi-automatics. And because the NRA is scared of everything, that’s why they’re the NRA.

From the HuffingtonPost.com:

HATCH: As a result of this very permissive legal standard -- and it is permissive -- doesn't your decision in Maloney mean that virtually any state or local weapons ban would be permissible?
SOTOMAYOR: Sir, in Maloney, we were talking about nunchuk sticks.
HATCH: I understand.
SOTOMAYOR: Those are martial arts sticks.
HATCH: Two sticks bound together by rawhide or some sort of a...
SOTOMAYOR: Exactly. And -- and when the sticks are swung, which is what you do with them, if there's anybody near you, they’re going to be seriously injured, because that swinging mechanism can break arms, it can bust someone's skull.
HATCH: Sure.

Told you I had to dig to find something even moderately amusing. You’re welcome.
-Ian Cland, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Political Analyst and Bo-Staff Expert

No Screech, No Problem: Dustin Diamond Releases Tell-All Book

2009-08-07T11:27:00.005-04:00

Will Screech have the last laugh? After being excluded from a recent “People Magazine” cover-story about “Saved By The Bell”(see http://tinyurl.com/nhjxnr), Dustin Diamond, otherwise known as Screech, is apparently releasing his side of the story in a tell-all book. The book, oh-so cleverly entitled “Behind the Bell”, is set to release in September.

The book is said to cover the casts’ hard partying, drug abuse, and sex (between cast members). Since the show ended in 1993, Diamond has struggled to find success, trying his hand at reality television, stand-up, and even releasing a sex-tape. Amazingly, none of these worked out.

In 2006, Diamond claimed to be in the process of foreclosure on his Port Washington, Wisconsin home. The actor made many television appearances asking the public for help, even going as far as selling t-shirts and scheduling a telethon. Diamond later admitted that the foreclosure was a publicity stunt. While much of the media was stunned by his admission, the rest of the world just laughed hysterically.

Click on the link below for the full story and nude photos of Mr. Carosi, at MSNWonderwall.com. (just kidding about the photos…or am I?)

http://tinyurl.com/la7ebe

I Hate My Own Kind: Advice for Stupid Women

2009-08-06T22:16:00.009-04:00

So hello, I’m Jody and I very politely invited myself on to this blog, in much the same way I invite myself to most weddings:

Me: “So I’m invited right?”
Other: “Uh, sure we’ll check and make sure we have your address when we get home.”
Me: “Sweet. I LOVE weddings. You’ll have free wine, right?”

I’d also like to mention how Tyler, this blog’s owner, invited himself to make out with me at our junior prom…5 Bud Ices is all it took, folks, for the waterfall of dresses, tuxes and vomit kisses to hit the floor. And that’s how we know each other. (Editor’s Note: Oh, what a magical night!)
So he invited me to blog and mentioned some bullshit about a female’s perspective, but I have been trying to remove any semblance of a woman’s twisted thought process from my head since I found out I was one (just the thought stuff, I like the other girl parts just fine). Face it, women FUCKING SUCK!!! The worry, the emphasis on everything that doesn’t matter, and the “I didn’t get what I wanted”, and the feelings, and the tension, and the “I don’t know, whatever you want.” Not to mention the child obsession! Fucking relax, kids get the flu and then get you sick!

I see it in the blank-faced, middle aged, bad make-up wearing women in loafers that come into my bar. These women might be with a man, they might be with a whole gaggle of their own kind, but either way, she’s lost all touch with reality and normal fitting clothes. AND THEY GET SO FUCKING NERVOUS ABOUT ORDERING A GODDAMN DRINK!!! They usually stutter and look back and forth at each other and then look behind me at the printer on the counter, as though it might give them an answer. At this point I usually walk away and say, through gritted teeth, “I’ll give you some time to ponder.” And then by the time I walk back, usually 30 seconds or so, they are waving at me frantically and jangling all their jingly jewelry and gasping, “MISS, MISSSSSSS???! WE NEED A DRINK OVER HERE!!!!” Then they ask me what kind of white zinfandel I have and then I shoot them.

Men never do this. Especially when they’re in packs, they don’t get all nervous and flighty. Men do a LOT of dumb things, probably more than women, but they sit down, they order a drink, say something about a game, maybe look you up and down a few times and grunt, “I like boobies.” And you know what? I can appreciate that. They say what they mean, and they don’t wear sparkle vests or low-rise jeans that are too small.

Sorry to turn on my own kind, but it really is true. I’ll start keeping notes on the kind of women I hate so I can give further instructions; but the combinations are nearly infinite. Men, you’ll get yours too…but not before I give it to all the crazy bitches in the world. Women should try and be more like the funny, smart females: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Sarah- what’s-her-name, with the eyebrows (Editor’s Note: Silverman?), and Lady Gaga. Whoa, what? Yes I said it; she’s amazing to me just because she makes sounds and only wears leotards. So if you’re having trouble with my “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RELAX ALL READY” wisdom, maybe just try wearing tights, or hitting some keys on your keyboard, like me.

P.S. I do hate myself by the way. In my later twenties I’ve gotten all weepy and timid, and have even started thinking kids are cute. And while I don’t doubt that a man made me this way, it’s no excuse.

-Jody Suhrheinrich, Dead Rabbit Publishing Sr. Gender-Relations Specialist and One Angry Lady