Al-Qaida Mocks Obama, Joins the Club

Al-Qaida's U.S.-born spokesman warned President Barack Obama Sunday that they may launch new attacks. Adam Gadahn told President Obama peace would be extended if the US withdrew support for Israel, as well as all troops from Afghanistan. At that moment, the entire free world laughed mockingly and in unison. Not to be outdone, Gadhan mocked Obama and the Democrats loss of liberal lothario Ted Kennedy’s former Senate seat in Massachusetts. Guess DirecTV can put dish on a cave now. Gadhan went further, calling Obama a “divisive, evasive and serpentine American president with a Muslin name.” It was later determined that Gadham based this conclusion on a YouTube video of Obama doing ‘The Worm’ at a Chicago nightclub in 1994, and the subsequent announcement of Obama as the dance contest winner.

See the AP story here, guy is bananas , ‘B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-S’: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100620/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_al_qaida_spokesman

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Cop Punches Girl…Seriously, It Happened

In a story that pretty much writes itself, a Seattle police officer was justified in punching a teenage girl after she shoved him during a jaywalking dispute, this according to the city’s Police Guild. And yes, a jaywalking dispute. Seeing as the police officer is a white guy with a crew-cut and the two women involved were black teenagers, I’m guessing Seattle is going to be on fire shortly. Literally. So what could be better? Well, would you like to see it on video? Because you can: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_police_punch


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Argentina Goes Balls To Ass

The World Cup begins Friday, at which time all Americans will pretend to enjoy soccer while really waiting on NFL training camp. The Americans will face the English in their first game Saturday, at which time all of South America, Africa (non-South), Asia, and possibly Australia, cause they really hate the English, will hate both teams. Along with ‘whitey’. ‘Whitey’ could not be reached for comment. All racism and ‘futbol’ talk aside, here’s video of Maradona letting his Argentinean team kick balls at each other’s asses after practice today. But not in a gay way. I don’t think, it is Argentina though, so who knows. See it here people: http://tinyurl.com/2fwmpzz

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Potential Corn-Gopher Match-up Impossible to Resist

The University of Nebraska has reportedly accepted an offer to join the Big 10 conference, this according to orangebloods.com. Nebraska would be the 12th member of the Big 10. And yes, its completely nonsensical given the academic record of all the schools involved to have an 11-team Big 10. Or is it avant garde? Who knows, but this move has reportedly forced the Pac 10 to respond by offering membership to six current Big 12 schools, expanding their membership to 16. And as an SEC fan, I just think its all completely awesome. A futile attempt to break the SEC’s stranglehold on college football, but awesome nonetheless. And in the spirit of these changes, I will be leaving the Wilham family and accepting an offer to join the Kardashians. More after the jump.

Also according to orangebloods.com (a site presumably dedicated to a rare blood disorder), the Pac 10 extended informal offers Wednesday to Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Okalahoma, Oklahoma St., and Colorado. With Missouri also still a candidate for further Big 10 expansion, these moves would effectively end the Big 12 conference, and provide the Pac 10 with a windfall of athletic talent and financial reward. Reports now indicate that Colorado has become the first school to join the Pac 10.

Most analysts agree this move would result in further Big 10 expansion, as well as the SEC, most likely with both adding 4 additional teams to get to 16.

The most likely candidates for the Big 10 reportedly include Missouri, Notre Dame, Maryland, and Rutgers, with Pittsburgh as next in line should Notre Dame elect to remain independent.

SEC candidates are more open, with the most likely being Clemson, Florida St., Miami, and Georgia Tech. Other candidates could include North Carolina, NC St., Duke, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Louisville, and West Virginia. Possible scenarios have also been reported in which the SEC would jettison Arkansas in favor of adding five new teams.

While this is mostly speculation at this point, change certainly seems inevitable. And if you are Kansas, or any team in the Big East, its going to be a stressful week ahead.

See a good breakdown in grid format of possible changes here: http://collegesportsinfo.com/conference-realignment-grid/
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George Strait Gets On Top Of Garth Brooks, Strait To Change Surname

According to Billboard, the once important company that charted record sales before we all just started stealing music, George Strait is the top country artist of the past 25 years; even though Garth Brooks sold more albums, and is in fact the best-selling artist in SoundScan history (which also meant something before iTunes and LimeWire). But according to Billboard, Strait has charted 44 COUNTRY music #1’s (capitals for emphasis because he has 0 pop and/or rock #1’s, presumably Brooks has at least 1-2, but my research assistant quit and I can’t seem to figure out Wikpedia). Strait has also had top 10 Billboard COUNTRY singles every year for 30 years, which is actually really impressive. Capitals added at the request of Garth Brooks, who also requested I drop the ‘O’ from COUNTRY when describing George Strait. No dice #2, call me when you’re a real country artist!

Read it here kids: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/ourcountry/40462/guess-whos-the-top-country-artist-of-the-past-25-years/

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Rue McClanahan Dating Both Saints Peter and Nicholas

Rue McClanahan, the world's most popular slut, passed away Thursday at the age of 76. Early reports suggest McClanahan passed away from a stroke. Within the past year she had undergone heart bypass surgery, and had survived breast cancer some 15 years earlier. McClanahan, born in Healdton, Oklahoma, was best known as Blanche Devereaux from the sitcom 'Golden Girls'. McClanahan played a sexually promiscuous older woman, and Sofia Loren and Raquel Welch have credited her with the revival of their careers. All three women ranked in the top 10 of “most attractive older women” in SpankTank.com’s 2002 online pole. And yes, “pole” should probably be in quotations. And no, you should not immediately go to SpankTank.com.

“Golden Girls”, was not McClanahan's first role, coming after “Mama's Family” and “Maude”, (the latter with “Golden Girls” costar Bea Arthur). McClanahan began her career in off-Broadway and regional plays. Later she made an appearance in the TV movie “Sordid Lives”, in which she had a graphic sex scene. According to Wikipedia, it was the first and last instance of anal sex in all of network television. During her career McClanahan won an Emmy, an Obie, and contracted two as yet unnamed VD's. Her real life was in fact not far from her role in “Golden Girls”. She was married six times. McClanahan’s passing leaves Betty White as the only living cast member of “Golden Girls”. White has recently seen a career resurgence, due in large part to her recent “Saturday Night Live” hosting, as well as her role as Samantha’s saucy Dominican lover in “Sex and the City 2”.

In related news, TMZ has reportedly bought the rights to a Rue McClanahan sex tape, hoping to sell the posthumous tape and tap into lightly targeted pornography markets such as nursing homes and assisted living housing, as well as Euro-league soccer clubs and Andy Dick.

Check out MSN for a more respectful and polite rundown of her career, in which she is not called a slut (love you Rue, you will be missed, we all hope and pray you’re laughing your sweet ass off at this post): http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=503628>1=28102


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Super-Hot Christina Hendricks Not Hot Enough for Esquire

In last month's issue of Esquire, the Maxim for guys who consider themselves too classy for Maxim, Christina Hendricks was named the 'Best Looking Woman In America'. Hendricks plays the voluptuous Joan Holloway on AMC's 'Mad Men'. But according to Canada's National Post, Hendricks was the magazines second choice, behind Scarlett Johansson. Coming in third was Megan Fox, followed closely by Lane Kiffin. According to the National Post, Johansson backed out of the shoot, leaving Hendricks to take her spot. Johansson's husband Ryan Reynolds could not be reached for comment. However, Hendrick's husband, the snozzberries guy from 'Super Troopers' was reached by DRP; he stated, "No, not even I can believe I'm married to such a hot woman, when my face clearly resemble a badger's asshole. Here's a pic." We thank Mr. Badgers-Asshole for his help.

Objectify some women here:http://www.showbizspy.com/article/205787/christina-hendricks-was-esquire-editors-second-choice-for-sexiest-woman-issue-report.html

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Time for Robe! No…okay, maybe Kondo? Fine, Lakers vs. Celtics

Ah, yes, it's that time again...the NBA finals. This time last season we saw Kobe and the Lakers cut down the nets for their 15th NBA championship, and this year we find the Lakers in the finals for the third straight year. And they will face off against the Boston Celtics. The Celtics return to the finals after a year’s absence, and are finally healthy and poised to make a run at their second title in three years. The Celtics defeated the Lakers in the 2008 NBA finals, a series in which the Lakers were heavily favored, but in which they were out manned, out hustled, and outclassed over 6 games, including a 39 point blowout to close the series and secure the Celtics 17th NBA title. Oh, and get ready for ridiculous nickname overload (its a Black Mamba and a Ron-Ron vs. both a Big Ticket AND a Big Baby!).

Surprisingly enough, these teams look eerily similar to the same squads that took the court two years ago. The Lakers, a deeper and younger team, boast the league’s biggest front-court, one of the most productive benches, and arguably the games most dominate player. The Celtics, who were ousted by the Orlando Magic during the 2009 playoffs, could be seen as somewhat of a surprise after the way they closed out this season. But finally healthy, and playing their best basketball since the first month of the season, the Celtics dismantled and beat down the two Eastern Conference favorites, the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Magic, to get back to the finals.

The 18th and 16th NBA championships are not the only thing on the line, as the Lakers and Celtics represent the most exciting rivalry in the NBA, if not all of professional sports. This will be the 12th times these two teams will meet in the finals, dating back to 1959, with the Celtics winning 9 of those meetings. The Celtics also hold the regular season series, 152-120.

Check out ESPN (http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/finals/2010/) for all things 2010 NBA finals.

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How BALCO Could Have Prevented Umpire's Blown Call

Detroit Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga lost a perfect game with two out in the 9th inning Wednesday, after umpire Jim Joyce mistakenly called a Cleveland Indians’ player safe at first base. Replays, and later Joyce’s own admission, clearly showed the player to be out, which would have resulted in the fourth no-hitter of the season, and third perfect game. While most people are focusing on the blown call, I want to go a different route: can anyone still argue that the records set during the steroids era should not be thrown out? I mean, we go from 40-year old Barry Bonds hitting 1,000 homeruns to major leaguers not being able to hit singles. Seriously people, we’re just over ¼ through this season and Galarraga technically threw the 4th no-hitter. When Bonds broke the homerun record, there were two no-no’s the whole season. Get out the erasers Bud Selig!

Rant over. Check out a great story about Jim Joyce and his graceful admission of blowing the call here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/06/03/1660927/perfect-acceptance-of-an-imperfect.html

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Gore Divorces Wife, Reportedly Dating Glacier

Al and Tipper Gore announced their divorce today, after 40 years of marriage. Gore was defeated in the 2000 presidential election, after 8 years as vice-president under Bill Clinton, who admitted to having an extra-marital affair with an intern. Fox News has suggested Tipper asked for a divorce after catching Gore in bed with a penguin. The penguin could not be reached for comment. While "science" has long claimed penguins are physically unable to comment, Fox News' Glenn Beck is now reporting all penguins are "commie liberals who hate America". Beck later cried on air for no apparent reason, all while rocking back in forth in a fetal position and muttering unintelligible comments about the movie 'Happy Feet'. See the story here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100601/ap_on_re_us/us_gore_separation

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The Soldiers Would Want You to be Drunk: Celebrating Memorial Day

For many, the Memorial Day holiday is a time to celebrate the men and women of our armed forces, and to appreciate and remember their sacrifices. And for many, it marks the beginning of summer, and therefore a great excuse to surround oneself with grilled meats and lie drunkenly baking in the sun. In order to reach out to both sides, Yahoo! has posted some interesting, and some funny, facts about Memorial Day. For example, the holiday was originally called 'Decoration Day', but was changed when a drunken President Grant spent the day decorating the White House lawn with pink flamingos. This and other completely true things here: http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93711?fp=1

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